


Taking Time

by Chocolatequeen



Series: Being To Timelessness [5]
Category: Doctor Who (1963), Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Wolf Rose Tyler, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Married Couple, Planet Barcelona (Doctor Who), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Year That Never Was, Romance, Telepathic Bond, Telepathy, every Doctor x Rose, in which the Doctor and Rose spend a year focusing on getting their lives back, the romance between One and Rose is future-context, we know they'll be together one day and they do too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-18 03:16:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 40,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9365639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chocolatequeen/pseuds/Chocolatequeen
Summary: Their year with the Master left wounds deeper than they wanted to admit, but now, the Doctor and Rose are ready to take the time necessary to heal.





	1. Forever Begins Anew

**Author's Note:**

> More than any other story in this series, this one trusts you have read everything that came before. Specifically, you'll be lost in chapter 1 if you haven't read Hope is Where Forever Begins.

The Doctor and Rose drifted in the Vortex for a while after Christmas, but it didn’t take long for Rose’s earlier restlessness to come back. She loved the TARDIS and she loved exploring the ship—alone or with the Doctor—but she wanted to feel real sunshine on her face again.

She tried not to let the Doctor sense her dissatisfaction. His trauma had been worse than hers; if he still needed more time safe at home, she didn’t want to make him feel like he had to leave before he was ready.

But it’s almost impossible to hide from someone who can literally feel everything you feel. It’s even harder when they know you as well as the Doctor knew Rose.

He brought it up one night while she was washing her face before bed. “So, what’s bothering you?”

Rose’s hand clenched momentarily around her flannel. “Not bothering, really,” she said, choosing her words carefully. “I’d just like to get out of the TARDIS for a bit. Feel the ground beneath my feet, the sun on my face, that kind of thing.”

She heard the familiar double thud when he tossed his Chucks into the corner. “That might be nice,” he agreed, though she heard the reservations in his voice. “As long as we stayed somewhere safe…”

Rose hung the flannel up and went back into their bedroom. “Believe me, I’m nowhere near ready to contemplate the possibility of losing you,” she told him. The strap on her nightgown slipped off her shoulder and she pushed it back up. “I definitely want to stick to safe destinations for the foreseeable future.”

The Doctor smiled at her. “I guess we can’t be travellers if we don’t travel. Tomorrow I’ll take us somewhere for a holiday,” he promised as he hung his jacket up and tossed his shirt into the laundry.

Rose sighed, and the Doctor tilted his head to look at her more closely. Somehow, his offer to take them someplace hadn’t been what she’d wanted to hear, but he didn’t understand why not.

She leaned against the doorjamb and picked at the hem of her pale blue silky nightgown. “Would you mind… Do you think I could choose a place, and get it all arranged? It’s just… you always make all of our plans.”

The Doctor tugged on his ear. He’d never considered that Rose might not like the way he was constantly choosing places for them to go, without much input from her. _Has she been unhappy with our life for ages, and just didn’t know how to tell me?_

Rose crossed the room and took his hand. “I don’t mind, Doctor, really,” she assured him. “You’ve seen so many places, and I love that you’re always wanting to take me someplace new.”

The knot in the Doctor’s chest eased; showing Rose the universe was one of the ways he told her he loved her. Letting that go would have been hard, but he would have done it if it truly made her uncomfortable.

“I know, Doctor,” she said, in answer to his unspoken thought. “I just want to do the same thing for you. And maybe…” She sighed and ran her hand through her hair. “Maybe I want to do all the planning for once, to prove to myself that I’m really your partner, and not just a passenger like he said I was.”

The Doctor bit his tongue to hold back the reassurances that sprung to his lips. Rose didn’t need to hear him tell her that she was more than just a passenger. He’d told her that so many times since they’d gotten home, and she still struggled to believe it. She needed to do something to prove it to herself, like she said.

“All right.” He lay down in bed and waited for her to join him. “Unless we use the randomiser, I always know where we’re going. It’ll be fun to have a mystery trip.”

oOoOoOoOo

After breakfast, Rose made the Doctor wait in the library while she and the TARDIS selected the perfect date for the trip she had in mind and placed their reservation online. Then she made a quick landing to pick up the keys before sending the TARDIS back into the Vortex and asking the Doctor to join her in the console room.

He was already in his overcoat, and he tossed a bag down by the door before sitting on the jump seat and propping his feet up on the console. “Ready to go?”

Rose pulled the monitor around so he couldn’t read the coordinates, then twirled and danced around the console as she started the dematerialisation process. She nudged the Doctor’s feet out of the way with her hip, and he laughed when she winked at him and shot him her version of his manic grin.

“Ready, love?” she asked, her hand resting on the dematerialisation lever.

“Oh, yes,” he agreed, feeling the familiar tingle of excitement course through him.

Rose threw the lever and laughed when the TARDIS immediately knocked her to the ground. “She’s even flying the way she does when you’re in charge of the trip!” she crowed. “Oh, I love you, you gorgeous thing.”

“Oi! Watch it, or I’ll get jealous.”

She peered at the Doctor over the edge of the console. “You’re joking, right? Do you have any idea how often you tell the TARDIS you love her?” The ship hummed happily as she landed lightly, and they both chuckled at the ridiculous conversation.

Rose jumped to her feet and jogged to the doors. “There could be anything on the other side of these doors,” she said dramatically. “Alien civilisations… ancient ruins… a really big rock…”

The Doctor rolled his eyes and reached around her to open the door. He froze as soon as he registered where they were.

“Or…” Rose murmured. “It could be Esperas. Because hope is where forever begins.”

That same hope worked its way through his hearts, pulling away some of the anxiety he’d still harboured about stepping out of the TARDIS. He hadn’t been sold on the idea, but here on Esperas, he finally let go of those fears.

Rose picked up the bigger-on-the-inside bag he’d packed, and they stepped out of the TARDIS together. Another piece of the Doctor’s tension eased when he saw the trees were covered with dainty pink and white blossoms. Spring. Rose was giving them a new beginning.

Birds sang merrily as they flew around the treetops, and the Doctor reached up and plucked a handful of blossoms from a low-hanging branch. He smiled down at Rose as he placed one in his buttonhole, letting her feel how much he was looking forward to this visit. He never would have considered coming back to Esperas, even though this was one of his happiest memories.

Rose turned her head and kissed his wrist as he carefully tucked a flower behind her ear. “There. Now we match,” he told her quietly.

She snagged his hand and tugged him down the tree-lined path. “Come on. You haven’t seen the best part yet,” she told him.

The Doctor didn’t know how the trip could be more perfect, but then they turned a corner and he spotted the cottage they’d stayed in on their honeymoon. The mums in the flower boxes had been replaced by geraniums, and there was a bed of purple and pink tulips in between the garden path and the front of the house, but it was definitely the same place.

What little anxiety Rose had felt over her choice of destination melted away when the Doctor bent down and kissed her. He pulled back before she could get lost in his touch and bounced on his toes.

“Well, Rose Tyler? You’re in charge; are you going to show me our luxury accommodations?”

Rose laughed and led him down the path, just as excited by the cottage as she had been the first time they’d visited Esperas. After unlocking the door, she flung her arm out, gesturing to the inside of the cottage. “Only our finest for you, Sir Doctor. Does it meet your expectations?”

The Doctor stepped inside, and Rose giggled when he stuck his nose in the air and pretended to inspect the interior of the cottage, running his fingers over the mantel, poking his head in the empty refrigerator, and turning the water on in the bathroom. Finally, he threw himself onto the bed and crossed his arms behind his head.

“Yes, I think this will do quite nicely.”

Rose basked in his happiness and understood better than ever why the Doctor loved those first few moments on a new planet. His excitement made all the effort she’d gone to to set up this trip worthwhile.

“Well, come on then.” She dropped their bag by the door, then took his hand and pulled him to his feet. “We need to get to town before the shops close so we can get food for the week.”

Back on the road that led to the nearby village, they took turns pointing out familiar landmarks and the subtle differences the change of seasons had wrought. When they reached what had been the festival grounds, Rose was surprised to find it was planted with alfalfa.

“Well, Ricard the grumpy hayride driver had to get his hay from somewhere,” the Doctor pointed out. The twinkle in his eyes contradicted his serious tone, and Rose laughed and elbowed him in the side.

To her surprise, the shopkeeper recognised them. With the life they led, that happened so rarely that she almost wasn’t sure how to respond, and ended up just waving awkwardly.

“I didn’t expect that,” she muttered to the Doctor as they filled a basket with bread, meat, and produce.

The Doctor added a bottle of wine and a carton of milk. “How long has it been since we were here?”

“Just last autumn. I wanted it to still feel like the Esperas we remembered.”

A moment later, she felt his gentle touch over the bond. She knew he’d opted for the telepathic caress mostly because his hands were full, but after months of being cut off from each other, they both craved the private contact even more than they had before. Rose met his gaze and let his touch wash over her before she reached out and returned it.

“Still as lost in each other as always, I see.”

Rose started at the shopkeeper’s voice and was just a touch resentful when the Doctor’s hazy eyes cleared. She took a deep breath and swallowed the snappish comment on the tip of her tongue, then put a smile on her face.

“I’m hoping that part never changes,” she said honestly as she set their purchases down on the counter.

The woman chuckled merrily. “I’ve been married twenty years and my Thom still makes my heart skip.” She shook out a bag and started loading up their groceries while she rang them up. “The honeymoon glow fades, eventually, but the warmth it leaves behind is even better.”

When she’d added up all their purchases and read off the total, Rose took the bag while the Doctor handed her enough coins to cover it.

“Take care now,” the woman said. “And come back if you need anything else.”

Rose smiled, then reached automatically for the Doctor’s hand as they left the shop. “And again, Esperas lives up to its name,” she told him quietly as they strolled down the street.

“That’s not the kind of hope the original settlers had in mind, but it was lovely, wasn’t it?” the Doctor agreed.

Before Rose could answer, a familiar scent tickled her nose, and her stomach growled in anticipation. “Ooh, kebabs!” She dragged the Doctor down the street to a vendor selling the spicy food from a cart. “Can we, Doctor? Then we wouldn’t have to cook tonight.”

Fifteen minutes later, they were on their way back to their cottage, each enjoying a wrapped kebab. Rose sighed as she caught sight of the pinkish sunset. This had been a nearly perfect day, and it would only get better.

oOoOoOoOo

Rose’s whimpering woke the Doctor up, and he shook her shoulder in a motion that had become entirely too practiced. When she didn’t wake up right away, he nudged her over the bond, and that seemed to pull her out of the nightmare. He sat up and reached for the glass of water they’d put by the bed while she gasped and wiped tears from her eyes.

“I didn’t think I’d have nightmares here,” she said, her voice a little husky from the tears. She took another sip of the water and sighed.

The hopeless sound made tears spring to the Doctor’s own eyes, and he wiped them away as surreptitiously as possible. “Why not?”

Rose shrugged and handed him the glass. “It was more of a hope than anything. But everything here is so peaceful, I just thought…”

The Doctor nodded. He understood what she meant, even if the logic wasn’t completely sound. He looked at her for a long moment, considering his next words.

In her dream, the Master had taunted her with what he claimed was evidence the Doctor hadn’t really wanted to marry her. The evidence he gave was ridiculous, as happens so often in dreams. However, Rose had had variations of this particular dream several times since they’d been reunited, and the Doctor suspected it had some basis in reality.

“Want to talk about it?”

Rose crossed her arms over her chest, and he knew she understood that he meant the actual events, not the dream. “It was… he would…” She shuddered, and he reached for her, encouraging her to lean against his chest. “I don’t want to tell you,” she whispered. “It would hurt you.”

The Doctor reached out and wiped at her damp cheeks. “Knowing you’re upset hurts me more than anything he could say,” he promised her.

For a long moment, he didn’t know if he’d convinced her, but then she started talking again. “He said… that the only reason you fell in love with me was because I met you after the War, after there were no other real Time Lords left.”

The Doctor clenched his jaw. “You mean, like you were some sort of consolation prize I allowed myself after killing my entire planet?” he said, his voice harsher than he meant for it to be.

Rose drew another shuddering breath and nodded. “Yeah. He said that… that if Gallifrey were still around, you would have chosen a real Time Lord.”

The Doctor couldn’t withhold the curse that spilled from his lips. “Clearly, Koschei was losing his memory,” he spat out. “I hadn’t wanted anything to do with so-called real Time Lords in centuries. I regret killing them all, and I hate the way it feels to be the last one, but that doesn’t mean I would have wanted to be saddled with one as a bond mate.”

He brushed his knuckles over Rose’s cheek and smiled when she leaned into his touch. _And I never met anyone, human, Time Lord, or otherwise, that I wanted to share a marriage bond with—until I met you._

She smiled weakly, and he pressed a kiss to her trembling lips. _I love you, Rose._

The words eased her mind for now, but he knew they were far from done. He didn’t say anything about how this was the fourth time this week he’d had to calm her from a nightmare. She knew as well as he did that their night terrors were unrelenting.

He laid them back down and Rose cuddled closer to his side. “Tell me what you were like when you left Gallifrey,” she requested. “What regeneration were you on?”

The Doctor chuckled. “My very first. By Gallifreyan standards, I was still in my youth, though my body had aged to look about sixty to a human.”

“Oh, that’s right,” Rose remembered. “Ian and Barbara said you travelled with your granddaughter.” She looked up at him. “Were you really as grumpy as they claim?”

The Doctor tugged on his ear. “Worse, I’m afraid. Like so many young people trying to seem important to those around them, I bragged about myself and my accomplishments and belittled those around me.”

Rose hummed, and he could feel her falling back asleep. “I’d like to meet that you,” she said drowsily. “I bet you were all prickly on the outside, but soft on the inside.”

She fell asleep before he could counter that assumption, leaving the Doctor to lie awake imagining how each version of himself would react if they met Rose.

oOoOoOoOo

After breakfast the next morning, the Doctor and Rose found a trail that ran alongside the creek that was behind the cottage. “Where do you think it goes?” Rose asked.

“Only one way to find out.” He took her hand and wiggled his eyebrows goofily. “Allons-y, Rose Tyler!”

Following an unfamiliar trail on a safe planet wouldn’t usually feel like an adventure to them, but today, it felt like the first step toward getting their lives back. Their hands swung freely between them as they walked, and when the trail was blocked by a large tree, they laughed and helped each other over it.

“Do you know, Doctor?” Rose said as they walked over a stone bridge that crossed the creek. “Travelling with you—I love it.”

He stopped and let go of her hand to tug on his ear. “Do you really?” he asked, his voice going a little squeaky. “Even though… I mean… welllll… we don’t always end up in the best places, do we?”

Rose blinked up at him. This was an issue she hadn’t anticipated. “I really do,” she promised. “Because even if things go badly, we’re there together.” He raised his eyebrow doubtfully, and she shook her head. “Remember? Stuck with you—that’s not so bad.”

She could tell he wasn’t wholly convinced, but considering the way he purposely started looking around them, she knew he was ready to move on. “Oh, look! A mellora bush.” He let go of her hand and jogged over to a large bush laden with fruit that looked like blueberries, only a little smaller and a little redder.

Rose joined him and accepted a handful of the violet fruit. The Doctor tossed one into his mouth and chewed it quickly, and his blissful smile convinced Rose to try one too. When she bit into it, sweet juice flowed over her tongue, and without meaning to, she moaned in delight. The closest Earth fruit she could think of was a cherry, maybe with a little raspberry and blueberry flavours mixed in.

“It seems a bit early in the season for something to be ready to pick,” she observed after eating a few more.

The Doctor had found a paper bag in his pocket and filled it with the fruit, and now they were walking again, snacking as they went. “Well, mellora is a winter plant,” he explained. “The berries appear on the bushes in mid-autumn, and then the plant goes dormant for the winter. That allows the sugars to crystallise, which makes the fruit even sweeter when it’s ripe in early spring.”

He licked his fingers clean and tucked the bag away in his coat pocket before he reached for her hand. When he felt the sticky juice coating her fingers, he automatically brought them to his mouth too, only realising how intimate a gesture that was when he heard Rose’s breath catch in her throat. The desire in her eyes pulled him in, and he held her gaze as he sucked the last of the juice from her purple-stained fingertips.

“Doctor,” she breathed.

Her dark eyes and parted lips invited him to taste the fruit straight from her mouth, but something—his impish humour, perhaps, or maybe a distant awareness that they were on a public path, even though they were alone—encouraged him to pull away instead. He dropped her hand and rocked back on his heels. “I love mellora juice,” he said cheerfully. “Best thing in the galaxy.”

Rose narrowed her eyes. “Is it?”

He felt his hearts pound at the seductive purr in her simple question. How did he always forget she gave as good as she got when he started teasing her?

 _You don’t forget,_ his subconscious told him. _That’s why you tease her in the first place._

Rose smirked, and he knew she’d picked up on that thought. “Then I think you’d like it fresh even better.”

The Doctor watched, open-mouthed, as she held up the last fruit that she still had in her other hand and tossed it into her mouth. Then she grabbed his tie and surged up on her toes to press her lips to his. His hands landed on her hips automatically, bringing her body closer to his as he accepted her kiss, eager for more than just another taste of the juice.

He groaned deep in his throat when she slid her tongue into his mouth. Mellora juice was fantastic, but it was even better combined with Rose.

_Rose… you always taste so good._

She grabbed onto his collar and deepened the kiss. _Me or the juice?_

The Doctor growled and nipped at her lip in response to that cheek. Then he ran his hand through her hair and adjusted the angle of the kiss, stroking his tongue against hers as he swept into her mouth.

It was Rose’s turn to moan then as they enjoyed the last fruit together. _Doctor…_ She swayed against him, and he tightened the arm around her waist to hold her upright.

The sound of children laughing pulled them out of their intimate moment, and Rose broke the kiss and rested her head on the Doctor’s chest just in time to see a group of schoolchildren race each other down the path. By the time the kids had passed them by, their heart rates had slowed back down to normal.

The Doctor chuckled and planted a kiss on Rose’s forehead. “Let’s get into town. We can come back to our mutual enjoyment of the local fruit later.”

oOoOoOoOo

The path eventually took them to a larger town they’d heard locals refer to on their previous visit. Rose loved the little village that hosted the Rikolto festival in autumn, but it was fascinating to see a bit more of the local culture.

They’d been wandering the busy market town for almost an hour when the Doctor’s eyes lit up. Rose tried to look over her shoulder to see what had excited him so much, but he quickly grabbed her and pulled her around the corner.

“No, no,” he said quickly. “It’s a surprise, all right, Rose? Just stay here and I’ll be back before you know it.”

Rose tilted her head and bit her lip. On one hand, she still wasn’t keen on the idea of letting him out of her sight on an alien world. On the other, his excitement was hard to deny, and it wasn’t like Esperas was teeming with danger. Finally, she nodded, and he beamed in response.

“I’ll be right back—I promise.” The Doctor leaned down and kissed her quickly, and she hummed in contentment as she watched him wander into the crowd.

A few minutes later, she felt an echo in their bond, just like she had… She straightened and looked around. Just like she had when the younger Doctor had appeared on the TARDIS.

On a busy street, it should have been impossible to pick out the one man who would become her bond mate, but it only took Rose a moment to settle on a white-haired gentleman. He stood off to the side a ways, his hands on the lapels of his black coat as he eyed the crowd with a sharp gaze.

Rose worked her way down the street until she was only five feet away from him. Now that she was almost face-to-face with him, she was positive this was the Doctor. There was something about his eyes…

“It is exceptionally rude of you to stare at a stranger like that, young lady,” he said suddenly.

“And you’d be the expert on rudeness, I suppose?” Rose shot back.

He turned and looked at her, but Rose gave him a cheeky smile in response to his frown. His hazel eyes narrowed and he studied her carefully.

“Who are you?” he asked finally. “You seem familiar, but I am certain I would remember your impertinence if we had met before.”

Rose laughed. “Oh, Doctor. I would ask which regeneration you’re on, but I can already tell—this is your first body, isn’t it? You haven’t regenerated yet at all.”

His eyes had widened in shock when she mentioned regeneration, and now he grabbed his lapels again and rocked back on his heels.

“You’re from my future,” he deduced. “But who _are_ you? My telepathy is weak, but the way you feel… you belong in my mind, the way another Time Lord would. And yet I cannot imagine any of my compatriots daring to leave Gallifrey behind.”

Rose’s Doctor had been eavesdropping on the conversation from the moment the past Doctor had spoken to Rose. _What should I say?_ Rose asked him now.

 _You can tell him,_ he assured her. _You’ll probably need to tell him something so he understands that he needs to forget, actually._

Rose raised an eyebrow; she hadn’t considered that. He was right, though—without understanding who she was, it would be difficult to convince the Doctor to hide the memory of meeting her.

She took a breath and looked at the younger, older-looking Doctor. “Can’t you think of another reason why I might feel like I belong in your mind?”

He pursed his lips, and a moment later, Rose felt him prodding at their bond. She could tell the exact moment he identified the nature of their connection, because he pulled back so abruptly it gave her a slight headache.

Rose rubbed at her temple, then waved at him. “Hello, Doctor. It’s lovely to meet you… for the first time.”

She could feel his impulse to argue, and she remembered what her Doctor had said about his first incarnation being grumpy and determined to convince everyone else of his importance.

“You can just forget about all the reasons why you won’t form a marriage bond, Doctor,” she said quickly. The wounds left by the Master were still too tender for her to listen to that logic yet again. “Suffice to say, a few things change in the next millennium, and by the time we meet, your opinions have shifted.”

The Doctor swayed slightly. “Millennium?” he repeated faintly. “Are you that far in my future, then?”

Rose tilted her head, trying to figure out what emotion he was attempting to hide from her. When his gaze skittered away from her, she finally recognised it—disappointment.

“Oh, Doctor.” She reached out and pulled one of his hands away from his lapel, holding it between both of her own. “You have so much ahead of you. Why—” She cut herself off and narrowed her eyes at him. “Promise me you’re going to bury this memory, or I won’t tell you anything else.”

“Impertinent!” he scoffed. “I am a Time Lord, my dear. I live with a constant awareness of future events.”

“Yeah, not this time,” Rose disagreed. “Not of your own life.” She stared him down. “If you don’t promise to make yourself forget, I’ll have to do it myself. I don’t want to, but you can’t know me when we actually meet.”

The Doctor tried to glare her into submission, but his attempt had nothing on the ice blue stare of Rose’s first Doctor. Not to mention, in the five years she’d travelled with him, she’d encountered several things far more threatening than the teenaged version of her bond mate’s attempt at intimidation.

Rose merely crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow in reply. “It’s your choice, Doctor,” she said calmly. “Do you promise to make yourself forget?”

He huffed and shifted his weight from one foot to the other before finally scowling and nodding his head. “You are the most stubborn woman I have ever met.”

Rose smiled at him, letting her tongue peek through her teeth. “According to my Doctor, my stubbornness is one of the things you love the most about me.”

She felt the shock roll off him, and waited patiently for him to finish sputtering his protests. When he was done explaining that marriage bonds had nothing to do with love, she patted him on the arm. “But wouldn’t it be lovely if they did?”

A distant look entered his hazel eyes, and she knew he was trying to imagine the possibility. After a moment, a faint hint of a smile crossed his face, and he looked at her again. “Indeed it would, my dear. And I think I will enjoy meeting you when the time comes, so I can be proven wrong in so many things.”

Rose laughed. “Oh, I don’t know, Doctor. You still don’t like to be proven wrong. After all, regeneration doesn’t really change who you are on the inside.”

The Doctor shook his head insistently, then took her hand and brushed a kiss over her knuckles. “I assure you, my dear Rose, in this particular instance I will be delighted to be wrong.”

Rose blushed as he dropped her hand and started to walk away. Despite his attempts to act like a grouchy old man, there was an innocence in this Doctor that would be gone by the time she met him. It didn’t take a genius to figure out why, but that didn’t make it any easier to see the Doctor before the war. There was so much he didn’t know…

_And so much he hasn’t forgotten._

“Doctor!” Rose called out. She had a question only he could answer.

oOoOoOoOo

That night for supper, the Doctor finally followed through on a promise made on their first trip to Esperas, and taught Rose how to make pasta. “What did you think of the old me?” the Doctor asked as he supervised her pasta preparation.

Rose leaned back and blew a piece of hair out of her face, and he took over cutting the dough and shaping it. “Not nearly as grumpy as you and Barbara made yourself out to be.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “Rose, I called you rude just for looking at me.”

She shrugged. “You were confused because you could tell there was something funny going on, telepathically,” she countered. “You couldn’t tell what it was, but there was something different going on in your mind, and that’s enough to make anyone tetchy.”

He shook his head. “I’m amazed, as always, love—sometimes, I think you understand me better than I do myself.”

“It’s a benefit of being a semi-objective presence in your mind.” She nudged him with her elbow and got a smile out of him. “What can I do, since you’re working on that now?”

The Doctor nodded at the cutting board where he’d started dicing and chopping the vegetables. “Get the rest of the veg cut up,” he requested. “We’re going to make pasta primavera tonight.”

Rose started with the onion, blinking back the tears that welled up immediately. As she worked, she sought a different topic. She’d asked the younger Doctor to conceal the memory of the last part of their conversation for a bit longer, and that would be wasted if her Doctor picked up on the final question she’d asked.

“So, when are you going to tell me what you bought?” she asked as she sliced the onion.

“That is a surprise for later.”

She glanced over her shoulder at him, the rumbly note in his voice tipping her off to his meaning. “Dinner before dessert?” He laughed, and for a moment, she was lost in the happiness that sparkled in his eyes.

“Something like that,” he agreed. “So maybe we should hustle with our dinner preparation so we can move on to dessert.”

They tantalised each other with barely-there touches and quick kisses while they finished cooking, just enough to keep their awareness of each other high. By the time they sat down, Rose was torn between enjoying the meal and her eagerness for dessert. Meeting the Doctor’s bedroom eyes over the candle in the middle of the table didn’t help curb her impatience one whit.

His eyes laughed at her over the rim of his wine glass. “Eat your dinner, love. Your surprise won’t spoil if we wait a few more minutes.”

Rose huffed. “Just a bit ago, you were the one encouraging me to hurry up with all the slice and dice stuff so we could get to dessert, and now you’re all, ‘Patience is a virtue, love.’ Make up your mind, Doctor.”

In response, he wrapped his tongue sensuously around one of the grape tomatoes. Rose arched an eyebrow as she considered her next move.

After a moment, she dipped her index finger—still stained from mellora juice—into her wine, then brought her finger to her lips and sucked the drop of liquid off her fingertip. She met his gaze boldly as she swirled her tongue around her finger, not even pretending innocence.

The Doctor swallowed hard, but still remained resolutely in his chair, stabbing at the pasta on his plate. Rose pressed her lips together, then used her final tool of persuasion.

Desire hummed over their bond, and Rose reached for it, running a telepathic caress over the cord that bound them together. The pleasure moved in both ways, and she swallowed back the moan that threatened to give her away as her need for him tightened low in her belly.

“Right!” The Doctor’s voice was squeaky and his ears were red when he jumped from his chair. “Give me five minutes, and I’ll have everything ready.”

Rose leaned back in her chair and watched with a satisfied smirk as he darted out of the room. He disappeared so quickly that she didn’t really have a chance to enjoy the way his bum looked in the tight blue trousers, but she had plenty of memories to draw on—memories she made sure to share with him in vivid detail as she cleared the table.

She felt his low growl of frustration over the bond, but before she could feel too smug, he let her see the way his mind wandered every time her smile teased him with her tongue. Seeing just one of his fantasies about her tongue sent a jolt of longing through her that nearly made her knees buckle. Rose grabbed onto the edge of the counter and breathed heavily. _Are you ready yet?_

 _Almost._ His smugness would have been unbearable if she hadn’t been so turned on. _Getting a little impatient, are we?_

Rose groaned and dropped the pasta pot into the sink with more force than was necessary. _Just hurry up,_ she ordered.

She’d just put the last of the leftovers away and set the dishes in the sink to soak when the Doctor beckoned for her to join him in the bathroom. A glimmer of an idea occurred to Rose, and the wisps of steam seeping out around the bathroom door confirmed her suspicion. She only hesitated for a second before quickly stripping down to her bra and knickers—once she was in the same room as the Doctor, she didn’t think either of them would want to waste time undressing each other.

The scene when she opened the bathroom door was both exactly what she’d expected, and more than what she’d expected. The Doctor was in just his pants, obviously aroused and somehow managing to look sexy as hell as he leaned against the wall by the tub.

“Join me in the bath, love?” he asked, his voice husky.

That was all what Rose had expected. But instead of smelling like banana, the entire room was filled with the fragrance of mellora. She moaned when she breathed it in, remembering how strongly the Doctor had reacted to his wedding present. If the mellora products were anywhere near as good as the banana ones…

“I thought you’d never ask.” Rose took off her underwear, feeling heat surge through her when the Doctor’s desire spiked.

As she climbed into the bath with her Doctor, Rose considered that as delicious as the berries were, it was almost too bad she’d never be able to taste them without the memories of today arousing her immediately.

oOoOoOoOo

On their last night in Esperas, the Doctor finally felt ready to broach the topic he knew they needed to talk about. After dinner, he handed Rose a glass of wine and sat down with her on the loveseat.

“Brilliant furniture design, the loveseat,” he rambled as he wrapped his arm around her shoulders and felt her body curve against his. “It practically demands cuddling!”

“Not like we need any help with that,” Rose pointed out dryly. “Plus, I get the feeling you’re trying to distract me from something, Doctor.”

He sighed and tilted his wine glass, watching the deep red liquid swirl in the glass. “Myself more than you, really.” He looked over at Rose. “How are you feeling tonight? Okay to talk about him?”

He couldn’t miss the way her whole body went tense. But she nodded, and there wasn’t a hint of hesitation in the resolute set to her jaw. “Yeah. I mean… Would I rather not? Obviously. But I think we need to talk about it so we can get past it, yeah?”

The Doctor took her hand and pressed a kiss to her palm. _I love you, and I am so proud of you,_ he told her.

Rose turned her hand and cupped his jaw for a moment, stroking her thumb along his cheekbone. _The feeling is mutual, my Doctor._

The Doctor nodded and took a sip of his wine, then he cleared his throat and began. “I thought… maybe we could start by sharing what the worst part of the year was? Outside of the broken bond,” he added quickly. “Because obviously that was _the_ worst.”

Rose nodded quickly. “Yeah. Yeah, that was…” She sucked in a quick breath. “But outside of that?”

“Yeah.”

She stared at her wine glass, simultaneously trying to remember and hoping she could forget. “I don’t think it was any one event, or constantly recurring event,” she said finally. “I think it was this… general theme, the overall sense that he’d taken control of my life and I was just a puppet. I had to live where he said, dress in the clothes he provided, eat the food he offered… I had no autonomy.”

The panic and guilt the Doctor suddenly projected caught her by surprise, and she looked over at him just in time to take his glass from him before he tipped the wine out onto the carpet.

She set the glass down on the table and reached for his hand, but he pulled away from her. “Doctor? What’s wrong?”

He jumped to his feet and shoved his hands through his hair. “I never thought… Well, no. I never apologised. I’m so sorry, Rose. I shouldn’t have. I mean, there wasn’t any other way to win, but you didn’t say yes.”

Rose stared at him, completely baffled until she caught an image of a human-sized porcupine floating through the Doctor’s mind. “Oh, Doctor.” She stood up and wrapped her arms around his waist, feeling relieved when he automatically returned the embrace. “You didn’t have any choice but to use me as your video game player. If you hadn’t, it would have been death to a whole lot more than just the Mantodeans.”

“I know. I know that, I really do.”

Rose kissed his chest. “That was so long ago. What brought it to mind today?”

She stepped back to look at him, and was unsurprised to see the blush staining his cheeks. “I think… I think it was the way you said the Master made you feel out of control. I always hated the way I had to control you in that game, and it just triggered that old memory. I was certain you were going to hate me for it. Not now, obviously,” he added quickly when she started to protest. “But back then. I had this… frankly melodramatic idea that it would taint our relationship forever.”

Rose snorted. “Nice to see your determination to take the blame for everything that happens in your vicinity didn’t start with your regeneration.”

The Doctor chuckled weakly, and they sat back down on the loveseat. Rose waited until he seemed to have relaxed at least a little before turning the question on him. “What was the worst part for you?” she asked. He tensed again, and she dropped her hand to his knee and started tracing the circular characters spelling out forever.

He let his head drop back to rest on the back of the loveseat and stared up at the ceiling. He knew exactly what the worst part of the year had been, but he didn’t know how Rose would respond when he told her.

“You can tell me, Doctor.”

Warmth stole over him at how well she knew him. He took the hand that was still writing invisible promises on his knee and brought it to his lips, kissing her fingertips before he let her go.

“The hardest thing about seeing the Master hasn’t changed in centuries,” he said finally. “The difference between who he used to be and who he’s become.” He sighed and tugged on his ear. “I’ll never be able to see the Master as just a villain, even though that’s what he’s become. We have too much history.”

He could tell Rose didn’t understand why he chose that as the most difficult part of the year, so he tried to find a parallel. “Imagine UNIT called us back to Earth because someone had started randomly killing people, with no real provocation. And when we got here, we discovered something had happened to Shareen, and _she_ was the person they were trying to get under control.”

Rose gasped, and he felt like she finally understood what the year had been like for him… but that was only the tip of the iceberg.

“Now imagine that we’re able to stop Shareen, but somehow, she manages to get away. And every few years for the next five centuries, you get a phone call about your old mate-turned-psychopath, asking you to take care of her.”

The Doctor ran his hand through his hair. “That’s what it’s like,” he explained. “I know the Master’s actions are deplorable, but he’s still one of my oldest friends. There’s just…”

Rose nodded and took his hand. “Cognitive dissonance,” she said. “Trying to match up what you know he is now with what you remember him being.”

“Something like that,” he agreed.

She hesitated for a moment, then licked her lips and said, “I’ll probably never understand those mixed feelings you have towards him,” she admitted. “Your comparison to Shareen helps, but still… my first experience with the Master wasn’t as an innocent boy, but as a crazed psychopath obsessed with my bond mate who put me down at every turn.”

The Doctor’s guilt was unsurprising, and Rose had a finger over his lips before he even opened his mouth. “Hush. I’m not done yet.” He nodded, and she reached for his hand.

“But I don’t want you to think you can’t tell me about him, or that I’m upset with you for not being able to see past your history together. I might not understand it, but I accept that you’ll always feel torn when it comes to him. You don’t have to hide that from me, all right?”

The Doctor nodded, then pulled her into his lap and held her tight. _Thank you._

oOoOoOoOo

“This was the perfect place to dip our toes back into travelling waters,” the Doctor said the next morning after they dropped off the key to the cottage. “I almost don’t want to leave.”

Rose smiled at him as she unlocked the TARDIS and started for their room. “Well, we can always come back. And the more times we come back, the more memories we’ll make. It’ll become more special to us each time.” She waited for the Doctor to hum happily before adding one last thought. “Now, if we could ever manage to get back to Barcelona…”

They reached their bedroom as she landed that playful gibe, and the Doctor pouted at her for a moment before pushing the door open. “I promise, we will go to Barcelona for our anniversary this year. Nothing short of a universe destroying paradox could keep me from making that happen.”

“I can’t wait.”

“In the meantime, any thoughts on where you’d like to go next?” the Doctor asked Rose as they unpacked their bag.

“Well, there’s one thing we’ve talked about a few times but somehow keep putting off.”

He raised an eyebrow, and she smiled at him.

“We need to go back to 1969 for a month.”

“Oh!”

A grin spread across his face, and Rose didn’t miss the relief in his eyes. Spending a month in the past was safe, after all.

“Yeah… I think past me would appreciate it if we didn’t put this off any longer. Eventually, we’re just going to forget, and think of the paradox that would cause,” she joked.

He nodded. “All right. Tomorrow morning, we’ll go back to 1969.”


	2. Celebrating the Good Times

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter references (in order) chapter 34 of Time is Still A-Flying, chapter 25 of To Make Much of Time, and chapter 21 of TISAF.

The freedom to travel without the pressure to fix the universe made their trip to 1969 a holiday to remember. After parking the TARDIS in London so the younger Rose could benefit from her presence, the Doctor and Rose set out to cover as much ground in Britain as they could in a single month. Rose dug out the camera she’d given the Doctor for their first anniversary, and they took hundreds of pictures of all the sites Rose had never gotten to see as a child. They even went to Wales and saw the investiture of the Prince of Wales.

On their final weekend in the past, they went back to the Isle of Wight and stayed in a similar holiday cottage to the one they’d rented almost two years before. They were lounging on the beach on their last evening there, just like they had on their first evening months and months ago, when Rose started laughing.

The Doctor looked at her over the rim of his sunglasses. “What’s so funny?”

“I was thinking, what must we look like to the locals? Some posh couple with too much money who can afford to take a holiday every other weekend, I suppose.”

He blinked, then laughed along with her. Because of course, none of the locals could possibly know that nearly a year and a half had passed between these two weekends.

Rose shifted on their blanket until she was sitting in between his legs, and the Doctor automatically wrapped his arms around her waist, holding her close. She laced their fingers together, then stared at their joined hands for a long moment. The Doctor bit back his question and waited for her to tell him what she was thinking, unprompted.

“Did you really not know how much I fancied you back then?”

He nuzzled the spot where her neck met her shoulder, blessing the halter top that left her shoulders bare. “I’m pretty sure you more than fancied me the last time we were here, love.” He chose one particularly vivid memory and shared it with her, then watched in delight as her skin turned pink. He got flustered so easily, but Rose really didn’t. Making her blush with an innuendo was a victory.

“I mean, back when you were the other you. Before you regenerated.” She twisted her neck so she could look up at him. “You really didn’t know?”

It still took the Doctor a moment to track with her conversation, then he remembered that the last time they’d sat on this beach, he’d called himself her “grumpy alien chauffeur.”

He chuckled, then bent his head and pressed another kiss to her neck. “I assure you, Rose, I had no idea.” He kissed her again, just below her ear, and she shivered in his arms. “If anything, I thought maybe you were intrigued by me—the alien with the space ship and the weird, short wand.”

Rose snorted. “Nothing short about your wand.”

The Doctor laughed and tickled her ribs. “Well, I don’t know what humans think of the sonic screwdriver the first time they see it, do I?”

“Silver tube thingy that saved our lives,” Rose supplied. “But back to my point—you seemed so insulted that I didn’t think you were impressive; I figured you _knew_ how impressive you really were.”

“Well, I thought you _weren’t_ impressed, so I was desperate to impress you,” he countered.

“But you know now?” she pressed.

“What’s this about, Rose?”

Rose sighed, then turned to kneel in between his legs, facing him. “Your dream last night.”

He sucked in a breath. When she hadn’t woken up with him in the middle of the night and hadn’t said anything that morning, he’d assumed she hadn’t noticed his dream. He should have known better.

“It was only a dream,” he said quickly.

“Doctor.” Rose pursed her lips, and he knew she wasn’t going to let it go. “You dreamed that I got mad at you because we kept landing in dangerous or difficult places. In your dream, I told you that I was going to stay on Earth, and you could come pick me up when you’d learned how to drive.”

His throat ached, and he clenched his jaw against the tears that threatened. Watching Rose walk away from him had been agonising, because he hadn’t been able to argue with her. Rose deserved someone who didn’t constantly drop her into danger, and if she’d finally realised that…

When he’d woken up, tears streaming down his face, Rose had shifted in her sleep until they were barely touching. The Doctor had wanted to wrap himself around her so she couldn’t leave him, but he’d settled for rolling onto his side and resting his hand on her shoulder. Even that touch had seemed presumptuous, but it was the only way he’d been able to slow his racing hearts.

Rose reached out and stroked his cheek before cupping his jaw. “And I need you to know that there’s never been a time when I would have wanted you to drop me off.” She sighed. “There was that week after our trip to the parallel world, when I realised that I could go on without you if I _needed_ to, but from the moment I met you, I never _wanted_ to be without you.”

The Doctor stared down at Rose, then he crushed her to him. He floated on light relief and didn’t bother to check the tears he felt welling up in his eyes. _Thank you_ , he told her as he kissed her softly.

Rose shifted as they kissed, encouraging him to lie back and roll onto his side. She wanted to hold him, but it was hard to embrace when she was kneeling between his legs.

His tears didn’t surprise her; she’d wanted to cry herself when she’d remembered his nightmare this morning, and realised she hadn’t woken up to comfort him. No matter where the TARDIS took them, being with the Doctor was the best part of her life, and her heart ached knowing he was so uncertain about that.

_I love you_ , she told the Doctor once they were lying back on the beach with his head resting on her breast. She ran her hands through his hair. _I love being with you—I’ve always loved being with you._

She reached for the hand he’d draped over her hip and laced their fingers together. _Better with two, remember? It’s not about the life or the travelling; it’s about being with you. How else could I stand in the basement of a Cardiff morgue and tell you I was glad I’d met you?_

A new thought occurred to her, and the hand in his hair paused momentarily, until his head pushed into it, silently asking her to keep stroking him.

_What’s bothering you, Rose?_

She hesitated. If he said yes, it would mean changing a huge part of the way they interacted on a daily basis. But it would also mean she’d been hurting him all this time, and in that case, she was willing to retrain herself.

_Does it…_ Rose bit her lip. _Does it bother you when I poke fun at your driving?_ she asked quickly.

The Doctor shook his head vehemently, accidentally brushing his lips against the swell of her breast as he did so. _Absolutely not. I know you’re only teasing._

Rose nodded, slightly reassured. Still… _If I ever hurt you accidentally, promise me you’ll say something._

His answer didn’t come right away, and she prodded him over the bond until he sighed. _All right. I’ll tell you._

An older couple walking by looked pointedly at them before tutting and looking away. Rose glanced down at the way the Doctor had wrapped himself around her and sighed when she realised it really didn’t look decent, by contemporary standards. He’d tangled his legs with hers, and his head rested between her breasts, his lips millimetres from kissing bare skin.

She nudged him gently and smiled when he lifted his head to look up at her. “We’re getting a bit of attention,” she said, nodding at the crowd on the beach who were all purposely ignoring them. “Why don’t we get up and walk along the water to our cottage?”

He sighed, but stood up and brushed the sand off his trousers before offering her a hand. Together, they folded up the blanket they’d been lying on. Rose shoved it back in the bag and slung the bag over her shoulder, then reached for his hand.

“So, any brilliant plans after we pack up the flat in London tomorrow?” she asked. She knew he had plans; he’d been carefully keeping something from her all week.

The Doctor swung their hands between them and skipped a little. “Oh, yes! Well, first, I thought we could spend a few days at home, floating in the Vortex.”

“A break from relaxing?” Rose’s tongue poked out from the corner of her mouth.

“Something like that.” He tugged on his ear. “Also, time to run a few maintenance routines I don’t usually get around to. We’ve done well so far, but if we want to continue hitting the destinations we’re looking for, I need to stay on top of her repairs.”

“Oh, then let’s definitely spend some time at home,” Rose agreed. She shot him a sidelong glance. “Now, are you going to tell me what you’ve got planned, or are you going to keep me in suspense?”

The Doctor looked up at the sky and pressed his tongue to the back of his teeth. “I don’t know… are you sure you really want to know?”

Her impatience spiked, then disappeared as suddenly. “Nah. I mean, I’ll find out when we get there, right?”

She held her hand up to shield her eyes, and the Doctor squinted into the sun, trying to see what she’d spotted. _Ah. A ferry._

“Do you think Ryde has ever used “Ticket to Ride” as a tourism slogan?” Rose asked, referring to the ferry port town.

The Doctor looked down at her, feeling some of his excitement dwindle. Then he caught the way she kept looking over at him, and figured out her game.

_Oh no, Rose Tyler. If you want to know where we’re going, you’ll have to ask._

He let go of her hand and shoved both of his into his pockets, then stared out at the ferry, pretending to be deep in thought. “I _think_ they do during the twenty-second century. Beatles mania enjoys a resurgence in the 2120s, and if memory serves, Ryde finally takes advantage of the song.”

They stood side by side at the water’s edge for ten minutes, both of them waiting for the other to give. The Doctor was on the verge of caving when Rose exhaled loudly.

“Oh, my God, Doctor—would you just tell me where we’re going?”

The Doctor threw his head back and laughed. “If you wanted to know, you only had to ask.” He laughed again when she growled his name. “Do you know what next week is?”

Rose’s irritation disappeared and an adorable furrow appeared on her forehead as she tried to work it out. “My birthday is still two months away,” she mumbled, ticking dates off on her fingers. “And we bonded for the first time only a week or so before that…”

She gasped, and he knew she had it. “Five years,” she said, disbelievingly. “Next week will be five years since we met.”

The Doctor grabbed her hand and waggled his eyebrows. “Run!” he ordered gleefully, then took off for their cottage, hearing her footsteps pound into the sand beside him.

Ten minutes later, they collapsed, breathless, onto the steps of their cottage. “Okay,” Rose gasped. “So it’s the anniversary of the day we met. But where are we going?”

The Doctor leaned against the door. “Glaurus.” Her mouth fell open, and he tugged at his ear. “I know Henrik’s has been rebuilt, but we couldn’t really find the spot where I first took your hand, since it was blown up less than an hour later. And you said, once, that you’d like to holiday on Glaurus. This seemed like a good time to take that trip.”

Rose chuckled. “Yeah, Henrik’s never was known for being a romantic destination anyway. I suppose Glaurus will do instead.”

oOoOoOoOo

A holiday on Glaurus was as lovely as Rose had imagined it would be three years ago. Instead of landing in the resort town with their favourite restaurant, the Doctor took them to the countryside first. Away from the sea, the ever-present perfume of lemon and lavender hung in the air, reminding Rose of the fields of Provence.

On their fifth anniversary, they moved the TARDIS to the city so they could make their dinner reservations. The Doctor smiled at Rose as they stepped out into the balmy summer evening and held out his hand to her. “Ready to go?”

She took it readily, but the sly smile on her face told him to prepare for teasing. “You’re not going to offer me your arm this time, Doctor?”

He groaned and shook his head. “I really debated that particular piece of advice,” he told her. “Everything else the article said made sense, but we alway held hands. It seemed odd, holding you at a distance like that.”

They reached the restaurant and were seated immediately once he gave his name. Rose smiled at the Doctor once the host had their drink orders and left them alone. “Did you ask for the same table we sat at for our first date?”

“Maybe,” he drawled.

“Do you know what I remember most about that night?”

The Doctor reached for her hand. “You mean something is more memorable than the way I bungled things?”

“You didn’t!” Rose protested. “It was sweet that you cared enough about our first date to try that hard.” The Doctor raised an eyebrow, and Rose shook her head. “I mean it, Doctor. And Mum thought so, too. I told her about our date when I called her right before we ran into the Weeping Angels, and it was the first time I felt like she really understood how much you love me.”

The Doctor rubbed his thumb over Rose’s pulse point. His comment had been more in jest than anything, but her staunch defence was still touching. “Thank you. Now… I think you were going to tell me what you remember most about our first date.”  

Rose’s eyes went soft. “Yeah. It seems appropriate to remember tonight. I told you that I never thought we’d be doing this, and you said—”

“Oh, I think this has been inevitable since run, Rose Tyler.” He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, shivering along with her at the contact.

Then he turned to the server, who was patiently waiting with their wine and crab cakes. “Thank you,” he told the young woman as he let go of Rose’s hand and sat back so the server could pour the wine.

“Not a problem, sir,” she said cheerfully. “You looked too happy to interrupt.”

Rose turned and smiled at her. “It’s our anniversary,” she explained. “We met five years ago today.”

The woman’s eyes lit up. “Oh, congratulations!” Her mouth twisted into a rueful smile. “My girlfriend and I have known each other about that long, too, but I can’t tell if our relationship is ever gonna move forward.”

The Doctor tugged at his ear. “Well, without knowing anything about either of you, I can say that some of us simply move slower than others.”

Rose took his free hand and squeezed. “And I can say it’s worth the wait.”

Their server smiled brightly. “I’ll keep that in mind,” she promised, then took out her notepad. “Now, are you ready to order?”

Over dinner, the Doctor and Rose reminisced about that first adventure they’d shared. “Were you really surprised when you saw my face through the cat flap?” Rose asked.

The Doctor nodded. “It was a good surprise—I started thinking about ways I could meet you again before I even left Henrik’s—but it was definitely a surprise.”

Rose narrowed her eyes. “Hang on. You told me to forget you.”

“Wellllll…” The Doctor scratched at his cheek. “I wanted to get to know you, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t think you’d be better off without me.”

“Oh, my God, Doctor!” Rose buried her face in her hands to hide her snort of laughter. The whole idea that he’d been working out ways to run into her again, but then had run from her the moment it happened… it was so typical of the Doctor back then.

“But you, though!” The Doctor pointed at her. “You looked me up online, you said. So I wasn’t the only one who was intrigued from the start, at least.”

Rose ran her finger around the lip of her glass. “Well, this brooding, Byronic hero had just stared at me with blue eyes that could look straight into your soul, and he told me to forget him. So, yeah—of course I looked you up.” She smiled at him, her tongue peeking out. “And now here we are, five years later.”

The Doctor reached for her over the bond, pulling her into a telepathic embrace. _Here we are, indeed._

Rose’s eyes drifted shut. _Did you imagine we’d be like this?_

He shook his head. _Even as I explained bonding to you, I barely let myself hope you’d be interested in sharing a bond with me._ He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. _When you told me you’d love to live with me in your head… I can’t tell you how much that meant to me, Rose._

She smiled, and a moment later, her touch on the bond deepened. _I meant it. I’m so grateful you found the courage to ask. I love you, my Doctor._

After dinner, the Doctor led Rose up to the cliff walk. The sun was reaching the horizon when they got to the viewpoint, and they stopped to watch the sky turned pink and gold. The Doctor was holding Rose close, with his arms wrapped around her waist just like he’d done the last time they were here. Then, the intimacy of the embrace had been new and almost overwhelming, but now it was as natural as breathing.

“Thank you for bringing us here,” Rose told him quietly as she played with his fingers where they rested on her stomach. “It’s been nice, remembering our first date at the same time as we celebrated our first meeting.”

This time, when Rose sighed and leaned her head back against his shoulder, the Doctor didn’t ignore the invitation. Instead, he turned slightly and pressed his lips to hers for three quick kisses before she carded her fingers through his hair and held him in place to deepen the kiss.

_I love you,_ he told her as he moved to embrace her fully. _From the day we met, for as long as our forever lasts._

oOoOoOoOo

After their week on Glaurus, the Doctor hesitantly started taking them on occasional day trips with minimal planning. The first time they stepped out of the TARDIS on one of these trips, they both nearly turned right around and flew away. How many times had they thought they’d landed someplace safe, only to end up in the middle of a revolution or palace coup?

But the TARDIS hummed, urging them to explore, so they did. And the market the visited was peaceful—well, it was bustling with activity, but politically speaking, it was peaceful, with no danger lurking beneath the surface.

Following that success, they both threw themselves into their new life as travellers. Rose spent evenings in the library, researching new places to visit, and the Doctor kept a constant eye on the state of the TARDIS’ engines, making sure to keep the ship in tip-top shape.

Rose tried not to count the days down to her birthday. She’d never been the type before, but she knew the Doctor was planning something, and she was dying to know what it was. Somehow, she held back her questions, and simply waited for him to tell her.

When she entered the console room after breakfast the day before her birthday and spotted a packed bag waiting by the door, Rose spun to look at the Doctor, biting her lip in anticipation. “Where are we going?”

The Doctor threw the dematerialisation lever, then leaned against the console as they flew through the Vortex. “Someplace I promised to take you two years ago, and then never followed through.”

A few possibilities occurred to Rose, but they landed before she could start throwing out ideas. The Doctor took her hand, then raised his eyebrows and looked at the door.

“Allons-y, Rose Tyler,” he told her, and she opened the door.

The Doctor stood back with his hands in his pockets, watching as Rose stepped out onto the stretch of deserted beach. In a few minutes, they’d move into the nearby resort town and check into the suite he’d booked for the week, but he’d wanted this to be her first glimpse of the planet.

Rose bent down and picked up a handful of the iridescent sand, then let it trickle between her fingers. “It sparkles, like there’s glitter in it.”

The Doctor could feel her trying to figure out where they were, and he waited patiently for the memories to come together.

The last of the sand fell back to the beach and Rose dusted her hands off. “It reminds me of… Oh! This is where you got the incredible turquoise pigment you gave me for my birthday two years ago.”

“Yep!” He bounced on his toes. “This is Ekbrilon. And if my lady would care to step back inside our carriage, it’s only a short trip into town and to our lodgings.”

oOoOoOoOo

Rose studied the furnishings in their room as they unpacked their bag. The duvet cover had a gossamer, mother-of-pearl sheen to it, and the light caught and reflected off the textured walls, casting rainbows on the floor and the ceiling.

It wasn’t until they were outside again, walking towards the shopping district, that she noticed the clothes. “Doctor,” she murmured.

He squeezed her hand. “I know. Ekbrilon means ‘the one that shines.’ Phosphorescence typically wears off after a short while and needs to be recharged by exposure to the sun. But a unique element in the soil of Ekbrilon allows it to hold the charge longer. As you saw on the beach, the ground itself shimmers, but also, certain things will pick up that trait when exposed to the element. That extends to a particular variety of cotton.” He nodded at a passing woman whose hair was wrapped in a turban made of sparkling fabric. “The natives always wear at least one piece of clothing made from Ekbrilon cotton, as a symbol of their connection to the planet.”

“I like it,” Rose declared. “I’ll have to get something for myself before we leave.”

The Doctor grinned down at her. “I thought you might. And I’m sure we can find something for you this afternoon, if you like. But first, there’s someplace I know you’ll enjoy, and it’s right around the corner.”

A moment later, Rose stepped into an airy shop, with big windows that let in plenty of natural light. The scent of oil paints hit her, and she clenched her hands into fists. _The Doctor brought you here because he thought you’d love it,_ she reminded herself fiercely. _He doesn’t know…_

The Doctor turned to look at her, his brows knit together in confusion. “Rose? This is where I bought that pigment for you. I thought you’d want…”

“Yeah,” she managed. She picked up the closest thing to her, which happened to be a palette. “They’ve got really nice stuff here. Thanks, Doctor.”

He pressed his lips into a thin line and shook his head, and Rose drew a shuddering breath as she set the palette back down. She’d known he wouldn’t be fooled by her act, but she’d really wanted to get out of the shop before she broke down. Tears welled up in her eyes and she tried to blink them back, but after a second, she spun around and ran out of the shop.

The Doctor found her around the corner in an alley, crouched on the ground and pressing her hands to her eyes. As soon as she’d run out of the store, he’d cottoned onto something, and seeing how much his obliviousness had hurt her made his stomach churn.

_She needs you now, not your self-recrimination,_ he reminded himself sharply. Taking a deep breath, he sat down beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“You haven’t painted since we’ve been home,” he said when she was done crying. “I didn’t really realise that until now.”

Rose nodded and hiccupped. “The Master liked to ridicule me for not having any A-levels. ‘And even if you had gone on for further education, Rose Tyler, you were only planning to study English, French, and art?’” She mangled the tissue he’d given her, and little bits of torn paper landed on his leg. “So it seemed kinda silly to paint. I’ve been trying to study more too; the TARDIS has given me some books to read.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” the Doctor asked quietly.

Rose shrugged. “Didn’t seem important, really. I mean, he was right in a way. Art doesn’t matter as much as science.”

The wistfulness in her voice made his hearts ache. “Do you remember what you told Donna?” he asked her. Rose frowned up at him. “How about we don’t start any more sentences with, ‘The Master was right.’ Because even when he came close, he still got it so wrong, Rose.” The Doctor took her hand and held it up. “That gorgeous painting of Makuyu in our bedroom was done by this hand.” He tapped her temple. “The vision came from this mind.” He kissed her. “I look at that painting every day and marvel at your extraordinary talent and creativity. Don’t ever let anyone tell you art doesn’t matter.”

Rose sniffed and brushed tears away. “I’ve missed it,” she admitted. “It’s been a year and a half since I’ve done more than simple sketches, and it feels like part of me is just… shrivelling up.”

The Doctor jumped to his feet and held his hands out. “Then I think I know what we’re doing for the rest of the afternoon.”

A light he hadn’t known was missing entered Rose’s eyes, and this time, she nearly dragged him into the art supply shop. The Doctor stood by the counter and watched as she tore through the shop like a whirlwind, making selections and adding them to the growing pile before diving back in.

“Your wife must love to paint,” the shopkeeper observed.

“She does, and it’s been a while.”

Rose picked up two tubes of similarly coloured paint and bit her lip as she looked from one to the other. The Doctor recognised her indecision, and nodded from the shopkeeper to Rose.

“Can you make sure she finds the absolute best quality possible of everything she wants?”

Half an hour later, they were on their way to the beach, the Doctor carrying the easel and small canvas Rose had purchased, while she had a bag with all of the paints and brushes she’d chosen for her newest project.

“Sit over there,” she ordered as she set up her easel. “I don’t want you to see it until I’m done.”

The Doctor obediently shook out his coat and sat down on the sand, facing Rose. The colours she’d chosen were mostly shades of blue, and he wondered what she had in mind.

He’d never watched her work before, and the concentration on her face entranced him. After working quickly with a large brush, she bit her lip and picked up a smaller brush, eyeing the canvas as if she were trying to imagine the idea in her head had already come to life.

Finally, she dipped her brush in another colour, and he sighed in relief as happy confidence spread across her face. They were gradually putting their lives back together, and even though he knew this wouldn’t magically make everything better, it was still a major step in the right direction.

The wind kept blowing a piece of hair into her eyes, and every time she brushed it back, she smeared paint on her cheek. “I do not look gorgeous,” she said absently. “I’m sweaty, my hair is a mess, and I’ve got paint all over my face.”

The Doctor put his arms behind him and leaned backwards. “You’re happy,” he countered. “You keep looking at me and smiling, and your eyes are glowing. I hate to contradict you, love, but you’re definitely gorgeous right now.”

Rose rolled her eyes, but her smile didn’t fade. Thirty minutes later, she dropped her brush into the jar of water and straightened her back. “I think it’s done.”

She was biting her lip again, so the Doctor pushed a wave of encouragement her way as he stood up and came around to stand beside her.

Then he saw her painting, and he was stunned. The dark blues she’d selected had created a nighttime landscape. A couple walked hand in hand through the darkness, from the nearly pitch black bottom left corner towards the lightest point on the canvas on the far right. She’d used one of Ekbrilon’s special phosphorescent paints to make the sky twinkle with stars.

But it was the couple that commanded his attention. A tall man with brown spiky hair walked hand-in-hand with a blonde woman. They were in mid-stride, and there seemed to be some invisible force making their progress difficult. But as they leaned on each other, the Doctor got the feeling that they would make it, as long as they were together.

“I call it Finding Our Way Home,” Rose said quietly. “Because we still are, even though we’re back in the TARDIS. Figuring out how to pick up the pieces of our old life after a year away… it’s not easy. But you give me the strength to keep trying, when it would be easier to give up and think that this is as good as it’s going to get.”

The Doctor’s throat worked, but he couldn’t get words past the lump there. Instead, he reached for Rose and pulled her close, resting his forehead against hers.

_We are going to find our way home,_ he promised her. _I haven’t told you, but I’m so grateful you’re with me right now. I don’t know how I could piece myself back together after the Year That Never Was if I had to do it alone. You give me strength every day, and I love you._

Rose sighed, and he adjusted his hold so she could rest her head on his chest. _I love you, too, Doctor. Thank you for pushing me to get back into art today. I feel more like me than I have in months._

The Doctor looked over the top of her head at the painting. “Shall we put it in the study, do you think?” he suggested in a low voice.

Rose nodded. “Yeah, that’s kind of what I was thinking. It’s part of the reason I wanted to do something in blues—so it would match the room.”

She sighed again, and this time, he could feel her weariness.

“I know you probably had some kind of plan for dinner, but would you mind if we went back to our room for the night?” she asked. “This was amazing, but it was draining to create something so fast, after not doing anything in ages.”

“Of course.” The Doctor helped her pack up her paints and brushes. “We could order room service and watch telly, or sit and read.”

Rose pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Thank you, Doctor.”

He winked down at her. “Well, I want you well-rested for the birthday festivities tomorrow.”

oOoOoOoOo

“Birthday festivities” turned out to be more shopping, then playing in the sea for a few hours. When Rose got hungry, they dried themselves off and went to an open air cafe for sandwiches.

After they ate, Rose rested her elbows on the table and leaned towards the Doctor. “So…” she drawled. “Do we have special plans for dinner tonight?”

The Doctor rolled his eyes. “It’s your twenty-fifth birthday. Of course I have plans for dinner tonight. We have reservations at a restaurant that sits right on the water.” He waved at the expanse of sand surrounding them. “You were too tired last night to experience the full wonder of an Ekbrilon night. I can’t wait for you to see it, Rose.”

She twirled the umbrella from her drink between her fingers. “Since it’s my birthday, would you mind if I spent the afternoon at the spa? I could use some pampering, and then we could meet at the restaurant.”

The Doctor only hesitated for a moment. It was Rose’s birthday after all, and Ekbrilon was perfectly safe. He had no legitimate reason to insist she stayed by his side. And besides… “Well, that gives me time to shop…”

Rose held up her hand. “I don’t need any more gifts, Doctor. You gave me back my art yesterday. That’s the best gift I’ve gotten in years.”

He reached for her hand. _I just want you to be happy._

Rose brushed her thumb over his. _I am. Thank you._

After a quick shower, Rose headed out for her appointment. She smirked when she remembered how astonished the Doctor had been when he’d realised she’d actually already made plans. _It’s good for him to know that he doesn’t catch everything,_ she thought, though she still didn’t know how she’d slipped in and out of the spa that morning without the Doctor being aware of her absence.

Rose had chosen the salon specifically because it was full-service, including a personal shopping assistant who would select outfits for you to try on while you were in your massage. She told the assistant where the Doctor was taking her, and gave her only one further instruction: “I want him to be speechless.”

oOoOoOoOo

The Doctor paced in front of the restaurant, waiting for Rose to appear. She wasn’t late, but her excitement for the evening had only grown since they’d parted for the afternoon. It was a very specific kind of anticipation that he recognised from other times she’d stunned him with her beauty, and he braced himself at the same time as he eagerly watched the sidewalk.

Nothing could have prepared him for the vision Rose was tonight, though. From the navy blue at the top of the bodice down to the turquoise skirt swirling around her legs, her dress evoked the changing colours of the Ekbrilon sea. And like most things on Ekbrilon, the silk was iridescent—meaning for once, it wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say she was radiant.

The silky fabric draped over her body, and for a few minutes, he was entranced by the outline of her legs as the skirt shifted around them. He could make out the familiar shape of her left thigh for a second, even though she was fully clothed. Then she took another step, highlighting her right calf, and he forced himself to look away.

Moving his gaze upward, the Doctor swallowed hard when he realised how revealing this dress was. Even though the skirt brushed along the ground as she walked, the bodice was cut almost to her navel. The fabric gathered in wide straps at her shoulders, and as he watched, she did a quick twirl, revealing that the back was equally low-cut.

Rose’s loose curls settled back around her shoulders when she faced him again. There was an alluring smile on her face, but the Doctor didn’t care if the way he was staring at her gave his thoughts away. She looked magical tonight, and she deserved to know that.

The Doctor’s slack-jawed expression and the awe she felt from him over the bond encouraged Rose to take another step, so she was just out of his reach. “Cat got your tongue, love?”

His eyes wandered over her figure. “I think…” He tugged on his tie. “That our reservation is coming up soon, so we should get inside before they give our table away.”

Rose pouted and grabbed his lapel, blessing the heels that added three inches to her height. “Is that all you have to say about my lovely dress?”

She held her breath when the Doctor reached out and traced the neckline of the dress. A moment later, Rose felt him open up the bond so she could tell exactly how much he appreciated her dress. She put her hand on his shoulder to hold herself steady and reflected the same love and desire back to him.

His gaze drifted to her mouth, but as he leaned towards her, someone called their names from the door. _Hold that thought, love,_ he told her as he ushered her into the restaurant.

_Consider it held_ , she returned with a cheeky wink.

They were led through the restaurant to a table on the patio. When Rose stepped onto the wooden planks and felt them move beneath her feet, she realised what she’d thought was a deck was actually a dock. The establishment was built right at the water’s edge, and their outside seating floated on the water on pontoons.

“I like the way they did this,” Rose told the Doctor once the server had left. Each table floated on its own section of dock, separated from the others by water on three sides. It provided a sense of privacy and intimacy that was usually missing in outdoor seating, where the tables were all piled on top of each other.

“This is the absolute best way for you to experience the full glory of the Ekbrilon sea at night,” he explained.

Dinner turned out to be one of the most torturous meals the Doctor had ever sat through. Every time Rose moved, her dress caught the light differently, drawing his eyes to her again and again. It wasn’t like he was ever very good at looking away from her, but tonight he literally could not take his eyes off her.

And she was so enraptured by the setting sun that he would have thought she hadn’t noticed how captivated he was, except for the Mona Lisa smile on her face and the buzz of anticipated pleasure coursing over the bond.

As their empty plates were taken away, Rose squeezed his hand suddenly and looked up at him. “I didn’t really think about it, but we had a year of touches to make up for, didn’t we?”

The Doctor swallowed hard. “Yeah,” he said, his voice raspy. Touch-starved didn’t even begin to express how he’d felt when they’d left the _Valiant._ The loss of Rose’s telepathic presence in his mind had been excruciating, but a year without touching her, without holding her in his arms, had been its own kind of hell.

“I know,” she murmured. “I felt exactly the same way, but I’d never really thought of it like that.”

He nodded, then directed her attention to the water, grateful he could distract her from the painful topic.

The sun had just sank beneath the horizon, leaving the sky awash in purples and deep blues. But for once, the sunset wasn’t the grand finale. Now that the sky was dark, the water put on a show.

“Is the ocean _glowing?_ ” Rose asked. She leaned over, reaching out to touch the water.

“It’s the seaweed,” the Doctor told her. “Remember I told you the pigment I gave you two years ago was made from ground seaweed? Well…”

He pointed at the ocean. Tendrils of light danced beneath the surface as the seaweed swayed with the ocean currents. Like a Van Gogh painting, the water nearest the light was bright turquoise, deepening to cerulean and midnight blue until it brightened again as the next strand of seaweed floated nearby and lit the water up.

Their server appeared again, distracting the Doctor from the babbling lecture he’d been about to give. “Can I interest you in any dessert tonight?” the young man asked. “Our specialty is a miniature chocolate torte served with berries. One cake is enough for two, if you would like to share.”

Rose’s face lit up, and a tiny hum escaped her lips. The Doctor chuckled and nodded at the server. “I think the birthday girl has spoken. And coffee for both of us,” he added, suspecting they’d want something to cut the richness of the desert.

Five minutes later, their server put the cake down in front of them with a flourish. Looking at the mountain of chocolate decadence, the Doctor could understand why he played up the presentation. The double layer torte had a thick layer of ganache on top and between the layers. A pile of berries had been artfully arranged on top of the cake and allowed to spill over one edge, as if the cake itself wasn’t big enough to contain all the flavours.

“You first, love,” the Doctor said, gesturing for her to pick up one of the forks. “It’s your birthday cake, after all.”

Rose stabbed through the layers of cake, making sure to catch some of the ganache and one of the raspberries before bringing the fork to her mouth. Her eyes closed in sheer bliss when the first taste hit her tongue, and the Doctor’s hands flexed with the need to touch her.

Rose’s eyes darkened when she caught the direction his thoughts had taken, and a moment later, she loaded the fork with another bite of the cake, but this time, she held it out for him. “We’re supposed to be sharing, aren’t we, Doctor?”

Sharing that chocolate cake with Rose was possibly the most sensual moment of the Doctor’s life, and when the plate was clean, he was more than ready to go back to their room. But when they left the restaurant, Rose caught a glimpse of one aspect of Ekbrilon’s phosphorescence that she still hadn’t seen yet.

“The sand,” she murmured, staring out at the blue light spider-webbing its way across the beach. A wave washed up on shore, and for a moment, they could see the combination of the shimmering sand and the glowing water. “How is it doing that?”

“All those particles that make it look like glitter during the day make it glow in the dark at night,” the Doctor explained.

“It’s gorgeous. I just want…” Rose bit her lip and looked up at the Doctor. “Can we walk along the water for a ways?”

“There’s no reason we can’t get to our hotel by walking on the beach, instead of the streets.”

Rose stepped into the sand, and the heels of her shoes sank, nearly tipping her forward. “Bloody hell,” she muttered. She flailed a bit, and the Doctor stepped close enough that she could grab onto his arm. “Thanks. Hold still. Yeah—like that,” she ordered, and he watched as she slipped her shoes off, then handed them to him. “You’ve got room in your pockets, right?”

“Of course.”

Shoes taken care of, they set out across the sand. There was something familiar about the image of the two of them walking through an iridescent night together, and the Doctor poked around in his memories until he figured out where he’d seen this before.

“I know,” Rose whispered, squeezing his hand. “It’s like my painting.”

They were almost to the path that would lead up to their hotel when Rose stopped on the water’s edge. The Doctor followed her line of vision to where the moonlight reflected out over the water, adding another layer of colour to the turquoise and blues.

“I want to wade out into it a bit,” she said suddenly. “I just… I know it’s the same water we swam in this morning, but I’ve never stood in the middle of an ocean that glowed in the dark.”

The Doctor stood back a few steps and watched Rose as she waded into the water. The twin moons of Ekbrilon shone down on her, catching the iridescent quality of her dress and making it shine. The navy bodice blended into the night sky behind her, but the turquoise skirt floated on the midnight water.

Rose looked back at him over her shoulder, a mysterious smile playing with the corners of mouth. Her hair caught in the wind and trailed behind her as she walked toward him, holding her skirts slightly out of the water.

It was too late, though. They’d already gotten wet before she’d picked them up, and when she dropped them and the Doctor saw the way the damp fabric clung to her legs, the tenuous control he’d maintained all night disappeared, scattered on the sea breeze.

To his frustration, Rose picked up on his sudden shift in mood and stopped to look at him, her head tilted as she tried to follow what he was thinking. The Doctor shook his head and held out his hand. “Come here, love.”

Rose’s eyes widened at the rough quality of his voice. She took a step towards him, then another, and then she was close enough for him to reach out and wrap an arm around her waist, pulling her snugly against him.

She bit her lip and looked up at him through her eyelashes. Now that she was in his arms, he could see the way the moonlight danced over her features. “You look like a goddess, Rose.”

“Fortuna?” she guessed as she slid her hands over his chest to link them loosely behind his neck.

The Doctor shook his head. “Tonight, you are Selene, goddess of the moon.”

Her lips turned up in a beguiling smile. “Then the goddess has a command for her devoted follower,” she murmured and leaned into him.

He moved his hands, shifting one so he was touching her bare back, eliciting shivers from her. The other moved down to rest above the curve of her bum. “Your wish is my command, goddess.”

“Kiss me,” she whispered, and she was so close, he could feel her lips move to form the words.

The Doctor lowered his mouth the few millimetres necessary to follow her command. As soon as their lips touched, the desire that had been building all night went up like dry tinder.

“Rose,” he groaned when he released her lips just long enough to adjust the angle and deepen the kiss.

She arched into him and parted her lips so his tongue could sweep into her mouth. Tasting the rich chocolate they’d shared for dessert straight from her tongue was even more arousing than having her feed it to him had been.

The Doctor kept trying to throw up barriers for himself, reminders that even though it was late and the beach appeared to be deserted, they were still in a public place, not far off the beaten path. But not even his logical Time Lord brain could get ahead of the utter need sweeping through his body. The reminder that they’d gone a year without any touch at all had made him desperate to make up for lost time.

Of its own accord, one of his hands skimmed around to Rose’s chest, following a path he’d mapped out hundreds of times before. Her pale skin gleamed in the moonlight, and like he had earlier, he traced his index finger along the deep v neckline. A light caress over her ribs pulled the same hitch in her breathing it had always elicited, but he was after more tonight. The low neckline of her bodice made it easy to slip his hand inside the dress to cup her breast.

Rose moaned loudly in his arms when his fingers touched her sensitive skin. _Doctor. Oh, God—don’t stop._ She scratched at his back, then grabbed his bum and rubbed herself against him, completely wanton and completely unaware of where they were.

The Doctor released her lips with a pop, but immediately trailed kisses along her jaw line. “Rose,” he grunted in her ear when the way she moved against him sent a jolt of pleasure down his spine.

“Yes, Doctor.”

The permission implicit in her words tested the Doctor’s resolve, and for a moment, he allowed himself to imagine what it would be like to make love to Rose on the beach. Would the sound of the waves crashing onto the sand be enough to disguise her moans of pleasure? Or would the moons provide enough light for anyone passing by to see what they were doing?

That was the thought that stopped him, in the end. Teasing and flirtation were acceptable in public, but he drew the line at letting strangers see Rose in all her glory. He swallowed and pulled his hand out of her dress. Rose’s eyes fluttered and she looked up at him, the question obvious.

The sight of her lips, glistening and kiss-swollen, tested the Doctor’s restraint, and he leaned down to whisper in her ear. She shivered when his sideburn brushed against her cheek, and he couldn’t resist nipping at her earlobe first.

“Doctor…”

He closed his eyes and took a breath, then whispered, “If we don’t go back to our room right now, I’m going to forget all the reasons I don’t want to make love to you in a public place.”

“Oh!”

Her little gasp tempted him, but he held firm. A moment later, he was rewarded when she grabbed his hand and laced her fingers through his.

“Well then, Doctor,” she said, her voice husky. “Allons-y.”


	3. Fears Lurking Beneath the Surface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So. See all those tags up there, warning of angst? There've been little bits in each chapter, but this chapter is all angst, until the end. It gets better (see the one about "angst with a happy ending?), but right now... they're about to hit a major obstacle to their healing.

After Rose’s birthday, several months stretched out before them with no special days to remember. It had been easy to ignore the voice in the back of his head telling him their hiatus was selfish when he could claim the trips were partly anniversary celebrations. Without that excuse, the voice grew louder, but every time he thought about taking Rose into danger, a knot of panic would tighten in his chest.

He wasn’t ready. Sod the universe—he had a bloody time machine. There was no way he could ever be “too late” to save the day.

That reminder helped, and he finally settled easily into this new, safe life. Rose loved scouring the galactic travel guides in the library for new places to go, and he loved indulging her desires. So when she asked to go to Pluvon, he agreed—and then very carefully did his own research so they would avoid the monsoons the planet was famous for.

The sun wasn’t shining when they stepped out of the TARDIS, and the Doctor looked critically at the sky. The dull, pinkish-grey colour reassured him, and he held out his hand for Rose.

“Ready for our adventure?” he asked, a bounce in his step as he led them into the city.

“As ever,” she agreed. “Tell me about this place.”

“Pluvon is the seventh planet in the Anaris system, inhabited by—”

He cut himself off when a fat raindrop landed on his head. “Definitely not the weather I ordered.” He scowled up at the sky, but it still hadn’t turned the angry violet that would indicate a storm. Plus, he had specifically set the coordinates for a month with no major rainstorms.

Rose laughed and grabbed his hand. “It’s just a bit of rain,” she said. “Do you melt if you get wet, Doctor?”

The Doctor looked at her, then at the sky, then forced his worry aside. “Nah. Besides, it’s hard to visit Pluvon without getting caught in a shower—the planet’s name literally means ‘rain.’ I’d just hoped we could at least get into the city before it started.”

“Well, come on.” Rose started walking again, pulling the Doctor over the bridge that marked the edge of the city. “That guide book I read yesterday said Pluvon has one of the best art galleries in the galaxy.”

“That’s right. The Brindisi Gallery contains the best works from every sector of the galaxy. They have a whole exhibit of jewellery from around the galaxy, including some exquisite Barcelonian bonding bracelets.”

They laughed at the memory that stirred up. “Bracelets that are really some kind of alien sex toy.” Rose shook her head. “That poor shopkeeper was so determined to sell us on the use of telepathy during sex.”

The Doctor waggled his eyebrows. “Well, I certainly find it enhances the experience.” Rose laughed again, then grabbed his tie and pulled him down so she could kiss him.

When the Doctor met her halfway, he was surprised to taste rain water on her lips. The steady patter of rainfall on the stone pavement crept into his awareness, and he pulled back to look around them.

His stomach clenched when he realised the gutters that ran down the edge of the streets were gushing with water and debris. One look at the sky confirmed his fears. The dull, greyish pink had turned a deep purple. What had previously appeared to be a simple rainstorm was, in fact, one of Pluvon’s legendary monsoons. And judging by the preparations he saw already underway, this was not the first day of the storm. They must have landed during a break in the rain.

“We need to leave,” he said frantically. “We really need to go.”

“What do you mean?”

“We landed on the wrong date. Pluvon gets periodic storms that lead to flash floods, and there’s a river that runs through this city.” The Doctor shoved his hands into his hair and pulled. “The TARDIS must have taken us off-course. I never would have brought us here on the day of a flood—checked the intergalactic storm records just to make sure, even.”

Rose looked around at the people making sandbags and barricading the fronts of their houses. The idea of just leaving them to their fate didn’t feel right, but on the other hand, they couldn’t exactly take everyone in the TARDIS.

“Yeah. All right.”

The Doctor breathed out a sigh of relief and grabbed her hand. “Run,” he said, his voice tense rather than smiling like it usually was when he told her to run.

As they crossed the bridge leading out of town, the water from the river below surged. They just barely made it to the opposite side before the bridge washed out. The Doctor clutched Rose’s hand more tightly. Even though he could feel solid ground beneath his feet, for a moment, he imagined they’d been swept away, too.

_Just a few more seconds, and we wouldn’t be standing here._

“What happened?” Rose asked.

“The levee broke.” He swore when he remembered his history. “That only happened three times, and each time, the results were catastrophic. Now _come on_!”

Rose pulled her hand out of his. “Doctor, these people need help. We’re both strong and able-bodied; I’m not leaving them when they can use all the hands they can get.”

Before he could grab her and carry her back to the TARDIS, Rose had darted over to the command centre situated on top of the retaining wall that ran along the riverbank. The Doctor swore again, louder this time, but he chased after her.

“How can we help?” he heard Rose ask as he reached her.

The tall, ginger man she was talking to tugged at his full beard. “Take these bags and go over there and fill sandbags,” he ordered her. He added a safety belt and rope to her handful. “And clip yourself onto the safety line when you get there. If the second levee breaks, the water will be over our heads in seconds. I’m all out of life vests, but at least this will keep you from getting swept away.”

Rose grabbed the supplies, and the Doctor just barely managed to snag her hand before she ran away. He pulled her close and pressed a desperate kiss to her mouth before letting her go. _Be careful, love,_ he pleaded, and she nodded once, then went to join the other sandbaggers.

The Doctor drew a shuddering breath, then looked at the man in charge. “All right. What can I do?”

The volunteer coordinator was thrilled when he pulled out his sonic screwdriver and demonstrated a few of its uses. He showed the Doctor a pile of tools that needed to be repaired and soldered, then hurried off to answer the next question a volunteer posed.

The Doctor had barely started on the work when a vehicle stopped at the opposite edge of the washed-out bridge. He narrowed his eyes and peered up at them, and relief swept through him when he recognised the Pluvonian flood response team.

A high-pitched, frantic voice interrupted his thoughts. “Save her! Save my baby!”

The Doctor set down the tool he was working on, then turned towards the voice. A woman was standing on high ground, being held back from the river by two volunteers. A child cried from a tree on an island in the middle of the river, dangerously close to falling into the seething waters below. And—

The Doctor’s hearts stopped. And Rose was skidding down the embankment towards the overflowing flowing river, obviously preparing to dive into the raging water.

“Rose!” he screamed, just before she jumped.

The Doctor shoved his way through the crowd of volunteers until he reached the place Rose had jumped from. The rope she’d tied to the safety line had gone taut, and there was no sign of her—she’d been pulled under by the current.

_I’m pulling you in._

_Don’t you dare,_ she retorted immediately. _There’s a kid out here, Doctor. A little girl, alone and scared._

The Doctor gritted his teeth together and waited. Rose could hold her breath easily for ten minutes. He’d give her six underwater before he pulled her to safety.

Underwater, Rose pressed her lips together in a thin line. She didn’t have time to be angry right now, but when she and the Doctor got home, they needed to talk about how he didn’t get to make unilateral decisions that affected her autonomy.

For now, she focused on getting back to the surface. She’d nearly made it when a branch hit her in the stomach and pushed her back underwater. Rose gritted her teeth and reached for the surface again, and this time, she made it—with three minutes left in the Doctor’s six minute countdown.

When she breached the surface, she threw her head back and took a deep breath, then reached out for a branch so she could haul herself up onto the island. The girl was about fifteen feet away from her, stuck in a tree that hung precariously over the water.

“Hi there,” Rose said, keeping her voice soft. “Do you want to go see your mum?”

The child nodded fiercely.

“If I walk over to you, will you grab my hand so I can take you to her?”

She was a little more hesitant this time, her hands flexing on the branch she held.

“It’s okay,” Rose said soothingly. “I promise I won’t let you fall, if you just grab onto me.”

The child glanced out at the river. “Is the angry man going to yell if I come with you?” she asked.

Rose looked over at the Doctor, who stood like a sentinel guarding the river, his arms crossed over his chest and a glower on his face she could spot, even from here.

“Nah,” she said, forcing a light tone into her voice. “He’s not angry,” she lied. “He’s just worried about me.”

The little girl’s face brightened. “Like Mummy is worried about me?”

Despite her own anger, Rose couldn’t help but smile. “Just like that,” she agreed. “Now, will you let me help you down so we can get back to them and let them see we’re okay?”

The girl nodded, and Rose carefully climbed the slippery tree, sliding down the trunk twice before she managed it. The girl started to shift towards her, but Rose shook her head. “You stay there, and I’ll come to you,” she said, taking a moment to adjust her safety rope so it wouldn’t get caught in the branches as she climbed.

By the time she had the girl in her arms, Rose’s arms were aching. Knowing there was no way she could pull them across the raging river, she did the one thing she did not want to do, and reached for the Doctor.

_I’ve got her, and I’m going to jump. Can you pull us in?_

_Yes._

His curt, one word answer irritated Rose even more, but she pushed that back and wrapped her arms around the child. “Are you ready, sweetheart?” The little girl nodded. “Then take a deep breath, okay?”

Rose counted to three, and they both took a breath together before she jumped. The temperature of the water didn’t shock her the way it had the first time, and some part of her brain was aware that meant her body temperature was dropping.

But with a child clinging to her neck, and the tug at her waist telling her the Doctor was pulling them to safety, Rose didn’t have time to fret about her own health. They’d go home soon, and she could warm up then. But first, she had to give this little girl back to her mother.

As soon as they were on solid ground, the mother swept the girl into her arms. “Oh, thank you,” she wept, staring at Rose. “I’ve never seen anything as brave as when you jumped into the river for my little Astraya.”

Rose smiled at the mother and child as she undid her safety belt. “I couldn’t just leave her out there.”

“Well,” the Doctor said abruptly, “I’m glad Astraya is safe, but speaking of the danger, I think it’s time Rose and I were on our way. We only came to Pluvon today thinking it would be a holiday. I guess I should have checked the weather report before we left home.”

Their walk back to the TARDIS was absent of the playful conversation they’d exchanged on the walk into the city. Both of them could feel a fight looming, and neither of them had any intention of bending.

“You should get out of those wet clothes,” the Doctor said mechanically as he sent them back into the Vortex. “Being dressed in wet clothes is one of the surest ways to get hypothermia.”

Rose crossed her arms over her chest. “I think I’d rather talk about why you’re so angry with me.”

“You jumped into a flooded river!” The Doctor threw his hands up in the air and paced in front of the console. “That’s ridiculously dangerous, Rose. You don’t know what’s below the surface of strange river, and with the current of a river in flood stage, you could have been hit by all kinds of debris. Why wouldn’t you leave when I asked you to?”

“Because people were in danger!” Rose shouted back. “People were in danger, and I could help, so I did something! I don’t understand why this comes as such a surprise to you—that’s what we’ve always done.”

She took a deep breath. “Seriously, Doctor. Why are you so upset with me?” She paused, but he didn’t answer, driving her irritation higher. “The man I married wouldn’t have turned away from people in trouble, like you wanted to this afternoon. He certainly wouldn’t have yelled at me for saving a child’s life. What happened to that man?”

Shock, hurt, and anger hit her over the bond as soon as the words left her mouth, but instead of apologising right away, Rose pressed her lips together and arched an eyebrow as she looked at him.

The Doctor’s face was white, and his hands clenched and unclenched in fists at his sides. “He felt his bond mate die.”

How could six words, spoken in a flat voice, hit so hard? He usually kept his memories of the bond breaking locked tightly away, but the terror of the day had tripped the lock, letting them seep out. Rose put her hand over her mouth and took a step towards him, but the Doctor shook his head and stepped back.

“I’m sorry if I don’t live up to your expectations of me, Rose. I’m sorry if I’m not thrilled with your habit of leaping into danger. But I’ve felt the slashing pain of our bond breaking twice, and I never want to experience it again.”

Rose watched him turn on his heel and walk away from her. She wanted to chase after him, but he had withdrawn as much as possible from the bond and was projecting “Stay away,” on all telepathic frequencies.

A violent, full-body shiver rolled through her, and she realised she was still in her soaked clothes. It seemed right that the chill in her body matched the numbness in her heart as she thought about how her careless words had hurt the Doctor. But given her new understanding of his fixation on her safety, she didn’t figure he’d be happy with her if she let herself get pneumonia.

When the TARDIS led her to a tiny en-suite with a shower stall, she knew the ship was not impressed by her outburst, either. “I know,” she mumbled. “I messed up.”

Rose turned the water on hot, then turned to look at her reflection in the mirror as the bathroom filled with steam. Her hair was matted around her face and her makeup had run and smeared. “I look like a drowned rat.”

A drowned rat with blue lips, she realised with a start. She was shivering constantly now, and she finally reached for the buttons on her shirt.

Panic crept over her a moment later—her fingers were too numb to undo the buttons. She tried tugging at the shirt, hoping she could just rip them off, but exhaustion from her swim had set in, and she could barely lift her arms at all.

Just when she was contemplating stepping into the shower fully dressed, the door opened and the Doctor joined her. “Let me,” he ordered, and she dropped her hands so he could undress her.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered as he peeled the shirt off her arms.

His eyes flickered up to meet hers, then he looked down at the button and zip of her jeans. “I know.”

She held onto his shoulders for balance when he knelt on the floor to tug the sodden denim off her legs. “Why’re you helping me?” she asked. Her head felt woozy, and she swayed on her feet when she stepped out of her jeans.

The Doctor caught her with an arm around her waist, then carefully pushed himself back up to his feet without knocking Rose over. He looked at her closely and cursed when he saw the feverish glaze in her eyes.

“Sit here for a minute, Rose,” he instructed, guiding her to the toilet with the lid down. Then he stripped out of his own clothes and tested the water temperature before returning for her. He turned it down, knowing the hot water would scald her frigid skin, then he helped Rose into the shower, holding her steady as he climbed in after her.

She swayed on her feet, and he wrapped an arm around her waist and encouraged her to lean against him. “Seriously, Doctor,” she mumbled. “Why’re you helping me?”

Annoyance sharpened his voice. “Because, although it’s apparently hard for you to understand, your well-being matters to me.”

She flinched, then tears started streaming down her face. “I’m sorry,” she whispered brokenly. “That’s what I mean. I don’t deserve your help.” She hiccuped, then said, “I was so awful to you. I deserve to get sick.”

The tiniest edge of his hurt softened when he heard the remorse in her voice. “That’s not how love works, Rose. I still care about you, even when you’ve hurt me. I’m certainly not going to let you get sick just because I’m upset with you.”

Rose sighed and relaxed against him. Her skin felt warmer, so he turned the water up a few degrees. “How are your fingers?” he asked, taking her hand and holding it up. “Still stiff?”

She wiggled her fingers freely. “Nope. All better.”

They stayed in the shower for ten minutes, slowly warming the water until Rose’s shivers had disappeared. Then the Doctor turned the water off and carefully dried her, frowning when he spotted an ugly bruise forming on her abdomen.

“What happened here?” He traced the outline of it with his fingers and felt her flinch.

“A tree branch hit me when I was underwater.”

Horror struck the Doctor, finally outweighing his anger and hurt. If Rose’s rope had gotten tangled in that branch, she would have been trapped beneath the surface. Even if he’d realised what had happened—which was doubtful—it would have been almost impossible for him to get to her in time to untangle her before she ran out of air.

He ruthlessly squashed that thought and handed Rose the oversized fleece robe the TARDIS had placed on the counter. “Put this on, then we’ll go to the med bay and get you fixed up.” He pulled his own flannel pyjamas back on.

Thankfully, the hint of fever he’d noticed earlier seemed to be gone, and it only took a brief application of the dermal regenerator for the bruise on her stomach to fade. A quick scan confirmed that she wasn’t bleeding internally, and the Doctor slumped in relief.

“Doctor?”

Rose’s uncertainty and confusion reached him, and the Doctor swallowed hard and forced a smile. “You’re just fine,” he assured her. “But I think we need to talk.”

“Yeah, we do.”

The walk to the study was silent, but as wrong as the distance between them felt, the Doctor wasn’t ready to let this go yet. The terror of those minutes waiting for her to resurface had not abated. He was honest enough to admit it was possible they never would, at least not fully.

He pushed open the door and indicated for her to go in first. Rose curled up in the corner of the couch and stared up at him, her eyes wide and vulnerable. He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. She was right here with him, and yet adrenaline was still coursing through his system like it had when she’d jumped into the water. Relief made him dizzy, and anger made him weary.

“Why did you do it, Rose?” He sat down in the opposite corner of the couch.

She tugged at the cuff of her dressing gown. “They needed our help!”

“No, they didn’t. They needed help, but it didn’t have to come from us. Pluvon is a planet prone to flooding. They have teams trained in the specific kind of search and rescue necessary during a flood disaster.”

The Doctor took a deep breath, then looked at Rose. “That’s training you don’t have. You have no idea how much danger you put yourself in this afternoon. I know you thought the safety line would keep you safe, but that’s supposed to be for emergencies only—it’s not meant to be used purposely. What would have happened if your rope had gotten tangled in that tree branch? It could have dragged you down, instead of saving your life. Or what if you’d been depending the rope, and then a vehicle of some kind came floating down the river and sliced through it? You would have been left without any safety net at all.”

“The little girl…” Rose said weakly.

“Would have been rescued by locals.”

The Doctor hesitated, but in for a penny and all that. “And Rose,” he said, speaking more slowly now, “I’m honestly hurt that you thought I would just leave them without any kind of help coming. Your words hurt because they were true—the man you married wouldn’t do that. He still wouldn’t.”

Rose looked at the Doctor through eyes swimming with tears. “I’m sorry,” she told him, feeling how inadequate the words were for the occasion.

“We agreed together that we needed to take time off from the running from danger life,” the Doctor continued. “When we go back to that life, it needs to be a decision we also make together.”

“You’re right. I know you are.” Most of her earlier anger had disappeared, but a small bit remained. “Although speaking of decisions and who makes them, I didn’t appreciate your decision to pull me out of the water if I was underwater for six minutes. You were prepared to go against my wishes in a decision I’d made in my own autonomy.”

The Doctor’s eyes glittered with renewed anger. “If I know your life is in danger, I will do whatever it takes to save you. You can hold your breath for ten minutes in ideal conditions, but icy floodwaters are not ideal. Giving you six minutes was already a concession.” He stopped for a moment, breathing heavily, then attempted a teasing smile. “There wasn’t time to discuss it as a committee.”

Rose smirked at the _Star Wars_ reference. “I am not a committee.”

They shared a tentative smile, but then the Doctor sobered, and Rose realised they weren’t done hashing this out yet. “I’ve never been able to stand aside when you were in danger, but now…” He sighed and raked a hand through his hair. “I don’t think I’ve ever told you how the Master taunted me about your death.”

Rose blinked, and the quick flash of resentment the Doctor projected made her eyes prick with fresh tears. He was right; she should have asked him about his time alone with the Master. They’d been partners in every sense of the word for three years. Why hadn’t she asked him about the worst five months of his life?

“I’m sorry,” Rose whispered. “I didn’t know… I guess I figured that he was too busy with his rule the world scheme to really do much more. Plus, what else could he do after I was already… gone?”

The Doctor laughed harshly. “Oh, he found the time, and he was more creative than you give him credit for,” he spat out. “Once you weren’t there, he couldn’t hurt you to get to me. So instead, he would come in daily to prod at my grief. He wanted to watch me break.”

He scrubbed his hands over his eyes. “You aren’t the only one the Master made feel incompetent. Because if I _really_ cared about you, I wouldn’t have brought you onto the _Valiant_. He’d remind me about all the times I nearly lost you before, and tell me with my ineptitude, it was bound to happen one of these days.”

Rose’s heart twisted. “Oh, Doctor.” Of course the Master would have told the Doctor that he was to blame for her death. Guilt was his most obvious pressure point, after all.

And then she saw the events of the day in the context of this new information, and she buried her face in her hands, overwhelmed by self-loathing. He’d taken her to a dangerous day in Pluvon’s past. There would have been no convincing him that he wasn’t at fault if she’d been seriously injured or worse.

She heard a slight rustling as the Doctor shifted on the couch, then felt his hand comb through her hair. She flinched away from the caress reflexively; she didn’t deserve his comfort, not after the way she’d ignored his pain.

“I told you, that’s not how love works,” he chided gently. “Do you remember when we fought after Lazarus?”

Rose nodded.

“And even though you were rightfully upset with me, you still told me one of the most generous, impossible things. Much like today, I felt like I’d failed to keep you safe, and you said—”

“I always feel safest when I’m with you.” Rose reached out and put her hand on his chest. “It’s still true. Today, even though you were angry, I knew I could trust you to pull me and Astraya to shore.”

The Doctor’s breath hitched, and then he pulled her into his lap. _Rose. Oh, Rose. There aren’t words to express how terrified I was when I watched you disappear beneath the surface of the river this afternoon. Knowing you could die, and that it wasn’t even necessary, because the rescuers were right there to take care of everything…_

She felt his tears getting her hair damp and turned her face so she could kiss them away. _I’m so sorry, Doctor. I should have trusted you enough to know that you wouldn’t be insisting we leave if our help was truly needed. I know you better than that._

_Thank you._

Rose’s eyelids were heavy and her head drooped to rest on the Doctor’s shoulder. The adrenaline of the rescue would have worn her out on its own, but coupled with the guilt and tears of their fight, she was losing the struggle against exhaustion.

The Doctor yawned and nudged her gently. “Come on, let’s go to bed. I think we’ll feel better once we put this day behind us.”

oOoOoOoOo

_The Doctor ran for Rose, but she remained stubbornly out of reach. “Rose, please! It’s too dangerous!”_

_“It’s my life, Doctor. You can’t tell me what to do.”_

_“But you don’t need to do this. Rescuers will be here any minute. If you jump in, you could die.”_

_Rose danced away from him when he stretched his arm out to grab her. “My life doesn’t matter, not if I can save them.” She took a deep breath and the Doctor lunged for her, desperate to reach her before she leapt into the icy waters._

_She jumped when he was just inches away, and he could feel her blonde hair brush against his fingers, just barely too far away to snatch._

_“Rose!!!” he screamed, watching her blonde hair disappear below the surface._

“Shhh, I’m right here, Doctor. I’m right here. It’s just a dream.”

The Doctor gasped for air and let Rose’s fingers running through his hair soothe the nightmare away. Watching Rose jump into the river once had been bad enough; seeing it happen again in his dream had been even worse.

He replayed the nightmare, and his jaw clenched when he remembered her absolute disregard for her own safety. Even though he knew it was just her dream self that had said it, hearing her voice say that her life didn’t matter brought all his earlier anger and frustration rushing back.

Rose’s hand stilled, and the Doctor carefully disentangled himself from her. “I don’t think I’ll be getting any more sleep,” he said as he got out of bed. “Plus, the TARDIS and I need to have a chat, because I know I was very careful in avoiding all flood dates when I set the coordinates this morning.”

He avoided looking at her as he got dressed. Rationally, he knew it was unfair to be angry at Rose for what she’d said in his dream, but it had been so real, and so similar to what she’d actually said, that he couldn’t let it go. Her hurt mixed with his as he left the room, creating a confusing mash of emotions that threatened to pull them both under.

The TARDIS hummed loudly in the Doctor’s head as he walked to the console room, but the stern rebuke only made him dig in his heels. Rose had hurt him first.

_“The man I married wouldn’t have turned away from people in trouble…”_

Rose knew—she _knew_ —he struggled to believe he deserved her. How could she have thrown that doubt back in his face so viciously?

_And you promised once that you wouldn’t stop her from running into danger._ The memory had been teasing the edges of his consciousness all evening, and the TARDIS finally pushed it to the front of his mind. _Without knowing Pluvon has trained rescue crews, all she knew was that you were trying to drag her away from danger, again. Of course she was upset with you for breaking your promise._

The Doctor slumped onto the jump seat. How must it have felt to Rose when he gave her orders and got upset with her for not following them? Pluvon had flayed open the biggest wound the Master had left on the Doctor’s psyche, but he wasn’t the only one. He’d played straight into Rose’s fear that she wasn’t really his equal.

Rose had withdrawn from the bond as much as possible, and the Doctor was almost reluctant to reach for her. He knew the way he’d left their room had hurt her. Steeling himself, he prodded the bond, trying to get a sense of how she was feeling.

He jumped to his feet a second later and ran for their room. The sight of her curled around his pillow broke his hearts, and the tears she was sobbing into it washed away any lingering resentment his dream had left behind.

The Doctor stumbled as he tried to kick his Chucks off, but he finally managed to get them and his suit both off and slide beneath the covers. “Shhhh, love,” he whispered as he gathered her in his arms. “I’m here now.”

“Did I break us?” Rose whimpered as he ran his hand through her hair.

The Doctor clenched his eyes shut against his own tears. “Of course not. We’re a little… dented, maybe, but that’s my fault, too. I should have thought about how being told what to do would make you feel, and explained. I was just so scared.”

“I didn’t know. I couldn’t understand why you would just leave them to die.”

Rose lifted her head from his chest to look at him, and her bloodshot eyes sent another wave of guilt through him.

“And I swear, Doctor, I never thought that my life didn’t matter. I promised to stay with you forever, remember?”

A sound that was half-laughter, half-sob escaped the Doctor’s mouth. He pulled Rose closer and let his tears fall with hers. “How could I ever forget? That was one of the best moments of my life. But you’re not invincible, and we don’t even know if you can regenerate, and I’ve thought I’d lost you twice already, Rose.”

Words ceased for a while as they drifted into the comfort of the bond, both offering apologies and forgiveness. The TARDIS watched in approval as her two pilots finally admitted to their deepest fears and found the strength to face them together.

Adjusting the date of their landing on Pluvon had been a calculated risk. She knew her Wolf well enough to know that she would rush headlong into danger if she thought someone else needed saving. And her Thief was right—that could have ended in disaster.

But they’d been so careful in all their landings that he’d never had to face that fear of losing her, and she’d never been confronted with his new resolve to keep her safe. Bringing them into danger was the only way they could begin to heal.

oOoOoOoOo

Contrary to Rose’s fear that their conflicting trauma would break them, the honest conversations in the weeks following Pluvon brought her and the Doctor closer than they’d ever been before.

The Doctor laid himself bare and allowed her to observe his memories of the two times he’d thought Rose was lost to him forever. With the exception of those awful first seconds after the bond had broken, Rose had never known that fear. Witnessing the deep wounds it had left on him made it easier to understand his need to keep her safe.

And Rose finally explained how the work the Master had done to undermine her importance only built on the poor self-confidence she’d struggled with all her life. “I just… I feel like I need to prove myself, all the time,” she told the Doctor one night while they talked in the study over tea and biscuits. “If I run from danger, then I’m only proving that I don’t really have what it takes to be here with you.”

The Doctor studied her over the rim of his mug. Her gaze was fixed on a tea stain on the sofa, though it darted up to look at him every few seconds. “Hey.” He set his mug down on the corner and gently tapped her chin so she’d stop biting her lip.

Rose knotted her hands together in lieu of chewing on her lip, but she also looked directly at him finally, so he considered it a win.

“You have no idea how brave you are, do you?” She opened her mouth, but he shook his head quickly. “Nope. Just listen for a bit, love.”

A furrow appeared on her forehead, tugging at the Doctor’s hearts. _Right then, time to see if I can’t convince her._

“When I asked you to travel with me, you asked if it was dangerous. Even though I said yes, you _ran_ into the TARDIS.” The Doctor held up his thumb, counting off the examples of Rose’s courage. “You looked me in the eye and told me to do whatever it took to save the world, even if meant you would die. You stared me down while I was holding a weapon on a Dalek and pleaded for mercy— _for the Dalek._ When I tried to send you home so you would be safe, you were so brave and so determined to find a way back to me that you looked into the Time Vortex and merged with the TARDIS to keep me safe.”

Rose’s eyes flashed gold, and the Doctor’s voice wobbled a little before he continued. Bad Wolf meant so much more to them now than they’d known in those initial hours.

“And… I asked you to go with Martha, but you insisted on staying with me, on the _Valiant._ ‘For better or for worse,’ you said.” The Doctor shook his head. “I don’t know how he could say you were weak or unworthy when one of the bravest things you’ve ever done was to put yourself within his reach.”

To his surprise, Rose curled in on herself. “But I only did that because I wanted to be with you…”

“And why did you want to be with me?”

“Because I love you.”

“And?”

Rose rubbed her fingers over the spot on the sofa. “And I thought I could help you and I didn’t want to leave you alone.”

The Doctor snagged her hand and brought her fingers to his lips. “Exactly. Rose Tyler, my bold Gryffindor.”

A jolt of pride hit him over the bond, and he knew he’d finally found a way to convince her. “Oh, Rose. I promise you, the Sorting Hat would have known exactly where to sort you.” He pulled a face. “The speed with which you race into danger terrifies this poor Ravenclaw.”

Rose scooted closer to him, and the Doctor wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “I get that now,” she promised. Then she nudged him in the ribs. “But what would you complain about if I didn’t wander off, Doctor?”

He snorted, then pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I think I’d cope, somehow,” he said drily.

She turned and kissed his shoulder. “Also, I think you’re pretty brave yourself, love.”

The Doctor’s hand had been absently sifting through her hair, but it paused at that comment. “Not about losing you,” he admitted softly. “Never about that.” Her heartbeat was a steady thrum, and he focused on the reassuring sound of life flowing through her veins.

Rose’s own fear bled over the bond, but after a moment, he heard her swallow hard. “Well, we’ll just have to live forever then.”

The Doctor hummed his agreement. “Sounds good to me. Forever and never apart.”

 


	4. The Bonds of Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heads up: this chapter is 10,000 words long. It's mostly fluff, though the first scene is a little tough.

In the Doctor’s mind, Pluvon was a watershed moment in their healing. After coming to terms with their deepest fears, he expected the healing process to be nearly complete. So he was surprised a month after Pluvon when Rose withdrew and seemed to lose her appetite—classic signs of depression.

On the fifth day, he felt his brows knit together as he watched Rose during breakfast. He’d made eggs and soldiers, hoping her favourite comfort food would encourage her to eat. Instead, she picked at the meal, taking a few bites, but leaving most of it behind.

“Are you feeling ill, Rose?”

She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I’m all right, Doctor.”

The words could simply mean that she wasn’t feeling ill, but they still made the Doctor’s concern deepen. He looked at her critically, taking in the dark circles under her eyes and slumped shoulders with new eyes.

“Have you been sleeping well?”

She pushed a piece of toast around on the plate with her fork. “Not much,” she admitted finally. “I’ve kinda… there’s something bothering me, and the TARDIS has been helping me a bit in the zero room.”

The Doctor reached for her hand, and she flinched away from him. He couldn’t hide his hurt, and she flashed him a completely unconvincing smile.

“You know you can tell me anything, don’t you, Rose?”

It felt like a stupid question to ask. They’d shared a telepathic bond for three years now, and been married nearly that long. It took far more effort to keep things from each other than it did to share their thoughts freely.

And yet it was an effort Rose was expending, and had been for four days. When she looked up at him with haunted eyes, he knew there was something she was purposely keeping from him.

“I… I’m not ready yet,” she whispered. “Is that okay?”

The Doctor dropped his hand to his knee and clenched it into a fist. It wasn’t okay. Rose was hurting, and she wouldn’t let him help. But on the other hand, Rose was hurting and she didn’t want his help, and he wouldn’t force her, just because he thought he knew what was best.

“All right,” he agreed, almost choking on the words. “But if you want me…”

“I know where to find you,” she promised. Another wan smile crossed her face. “I really will be fine.”

The Doctor tried, he really did. But when he felt Rose enter the zero room that afternoon, his resolve broke. He knew deep in his gut that this was not something she could handle by herself, even though she was determined to do so.

“Right,” he muttered as he hoisted himself up onto the grating. “I can go join her in the zero room, if I want to. You’re my ship too, after all.”

The TARDIS didn’t seem to agree. The Doctor wandered the corridors for two hours, constantly going in circles and getting caught in dead ends. “I just want to help her,” he growled finally when he was sent down the tenth dead-end corridor. “I’m worried about her—she isn’t eating or sleeping, and she won’t tell me why.”

The ship rolled her eyes; clearly, she thought the Doctor should know the reason. _Well I don’t know why,_ he countered. _Rose hasn’t told me, and she’s asked me not to poke around those thoughts. How am I supposed to know if she won’t tell me?_

Rose exited the zero room before the TARDIS could offer a retort, and he sucked in a breath at the turmoil she was projecting. He couldn’t swear to it without seeing her, but he was fairly certain she’d been crying.

The bond led him to the library. The door was open, and a soft warning from the TARDIS encouraged the Doctor to quietly push the door open and observe her for a minute before announcing his presence.

There was a fire going in the fireplace, and Rose was sitting on the couch, staring into the flames. Her knees were pulled up to her chest and she had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders, but despite the fact that he knew she was exhausted, she didn’t seem to be falling asleep.

The Doctor frowned; if feelings had colours, then every single one he was picking up from Rose was blue.

He stepped quietly into the library and walked around to the front of the couch, waiting until she blinked her bleary, red-rimmed eyes up at him before he spoke. “Is this seat taken?” he asked, pointing at the spot beside her.

That didn’t even get a smile from Rose. She did shake her head and pat the cushion though, so he knew he was welcome to join her.

“What’s bothering you, Rose?” he asked quietly once he’d sat down. He wanted to reach for her, but he could tell, somehow, that she wasn’t in the mood to be held. That alone was unusual enough to be alarming.

She bit her lip, and he waited patiently for her to tell him. “Do you know what day it is?” she asked finally. “And don’t say time is irrelevant in the Vortex, or whatever. If we count our days from the day we met, then this is the fifth of July.”

The Doctor frowned; the date itself meant nothing to him, but he knew their wedding anniversary was three months away. _What happened three months before our anniversary?_

Unease knotted in his gut when he framed the question like that. Something had happened three months before their anniversary… something major. What was it?

He looked at Rose, sitting with her head resting on her knees. Whatever it was, she didn’t want to think about it.

The Doctor felt like the wind had been knocked out of him when he finally got it. Reeling from shock, his body sagged against the couch. His right arm shot out, looking for Rose, and as soon as he found her, he pulled her into his lap and held her tight.

In return, she wrapped her arms around him, one hand on his shoulder and the other holding his head to her breast as she ran her fingers through his hair. “Breathe, Doctor,” she murmured, and he realised the tightness in his chest was his body begging for air.

He gasped, and oxygen poured into his body. “What day?” he whispered.

Her fingers paused in stroking his hair. “You don’t remember?”

The Doctor shifted his head to look up at her. “I was in a catatonic coma for nearly three days afterwards,” he bit out.

Rose flinched, and he kissed her cheek, while also passing an apology over the bond.

“I’m sorry,” he told her. “It’s just… it’s a bit disconcerting to realise I honestly don’t remember the date when the bond broke.”

She relaxed, and the soothing motion in his hair resumed. “It’s tomorrow.”

The Doctor stilled. “You’ve been fretting about this for days. Why didn’t you tell me?”

She looked away from him. “Well, at first I thought you’d remember and maybe say something yourself. But then I realised that somehow, you didn’t know… And we’ve been doing so much better lately. I didn’t want to dig up all those old memories.”

 _Memories…_ The Doctor narrowed his eyes. “That’s why you haven’t been sleeping,” he deduced. “You knew you would have nightmares if you did, and you were that determined to protect me.”

Rose still wouldn’t meet his gaze, and he had to fight back his impatience. “Please don’t do that, Rose,” he said quietly. “Don’t sacrifice your well-being to keep me in blissful ignorance.”

“I’ve slept some in the zero room,” she protested. “S’calm in there.”

Her feeble protest was ruined by an enormous yawn. The Doctor shook his head. “How much sleep have you gotten? A few hours, three times? Over the course of five days now? Even you need more than that, love.”

He carefully stood up with her in his arms, only smiling a little when she squealed and tightened her arms around his neck. “What are you doing?”

“Carrying you to bed,” he said matter-of-factly.

She went completely stiff in his arms, something he’d never experienced before. The Doctor stopped and looked down at her. “Rose?”

“Please don’t,” she whimpered. “Don’t make me sleep. I don’t want to see it again.”

The Doctor slowly set her down, but held her hand firmly in his. “Come on, let’s go get into our pyjamas and talk,” he said, keeping his voice soft.

Rose’s chin wobbled, and she nodded jerkily. “I… yeah… yeah, I guess…”

They changed for bed in silence, then pulled down the duvet and sat down with their backs against the headboard. “Why do I feel like there’s something about that day that you haven’t told me?” the Doctor asked quietly.

Rose flinched. “Maybe because there is,” she admitted.

He waited, and when she didn’t continue, he took her hand and said, “Maybe you could tell me now? I understand your reluctance for me to find out through your nightmares, and since we will be sleeping tonight, that means you should tell me first.”

Rose drew a shuddering breath and cuddled closer to him. “It was… he came into my room…” She sobbed and shook her head. “I can’t. I can’t tell you.”

The Doctor looked at her. “Would you rather show me?”

She nodded, then closed her eyes. A moment later, the Doctor felt her open the bond, enough for her to call up a memory and project it to him, so he could see exactly what the Master had done.

The Doctor’s free hand clenched into a fist when the Master pulled out the necklace that they now knew would cut Rose off from all telepathic contact. He hated to admit it, but that really was a genius solution to the “problem” their bond had presented to the Master.

_I should have realised he would try something like that._

Rose shifted and put a hand over his right heart. _Don’t,_ she told him. _You are not responsible for anything the Master did._

The Doctor pressed his lips together, but finally, he nodded. It was hard to believe Rose didn’t hold that against him, but he could tell she really didn’t.

 _Can I keep going now?_ she teased.

_Yeah, of course. Sorry._

They watched the memory unfold through Rose’s eyes. The Doctor wanted to cry again when she started sassing back at the Master. _Such a Gryffindor,_ he pointed out, and the real Rose kissed him on the cheek.

He did cry when Memory Rose told her Doctor she loved him. He vividly remembered the terror of that moment, and the agony that followed.

Even the memory of the bond breaking sent an echo of pain over the bond. Rose moaned and reached for her head, and the Doctor pulled her into his lap and pressed kisses to her temple.

 _Shhhh,_ he told her, even as he fought the ache in his own head. _It’s only a memory. We’re safe; we’re home._

Rose wiped the tears from her eyes. _That’s not the worst part,_ she warned him.

He started to ask how it could possibly get any worse… then the Master turned the volume on the CCTV up, and his own anguished cries filled her memory. _Oh. Oh, Rose. I’m so sorry, love,_ he told her, wrapping his arms more tightly around her waist.

 _You see why I didn’t want to be the one to remind you?_ she said. _I watched you mourn and writhe in pain a year ago. I can’t think about those first few hours after the bond broke without remembering the way your voice cracked as you called my name._

The memory ended with a closing image of Memory Rose crying herself to sleep. The Doctor held the real Rose close as she cried on his shoulder, and once her tears ended, he shifted them so they were lying down, facing each other.

“I think I owe you an apology, love.” He brushed a strand of hair out of her face.

“What? Why?”

“Because all this time, even though I knew he made you watch, I’ve thought I had the worst experience with the bond breaking.”

“You did,” she protested. “You thought I was dead for three months. I only had maybe… fifteen seconds before I looked at the screen and realised what he’d done. You _grieved,_ Doctor. I didn’t have to do that.”

The Doctor shook his head. “That’s what I thought, too. But I didn’t realise… Rose, you watched me grieve. You saw me in pain, and you couldn’t do anything about it.” He shuddered. “I remember how much it hurt when the Master had his goons beat you, and this must have been ten times worse.”

More tears slipped down Rose’s cheek and onto her pillow. “He would taunt me with how badly you were doing. I hated him so much when he took my ring, just so he could torment you with the inscription.”

The Doctor ground his teeth together. He’d almost managed to forget that artful jab. “He was a bastard,” he said succinctly. “And thankfully, he’s dead. We’ll never have to deal with him again.”

Rose sniffed and shifted closer to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. “I don’t wanna talk about him anymore,” she mumbled, the words slurring slightly as her exhaustion pushed through the emotional trauma.

“Then we won’t. Not right now, at least.” He stroked her hair and smiled when her breathing evened out. “Go to sleep, love. I’ll be right here when the nightmares come.”    

She was asleep in minutes, but the Doctor didn’t stop the rhythmic movement of his hand. Soothing Rose gave him as much comfort as it did her, and he needed it right now. Watching what the Master had put Rose through on the worst day of their life had finally broken through the last of his sentimental affection for his old friend. He pressed a kiss to Rose’s forehead and hoped fervently that the Master didn’t manage to trick death yet again.

oOoOoOoOo

The next morning, Rose sat in the galley with a cup of tea while the Doctor made lighter-than-air Belgian waffles. There were raspberries and whipped cream on the table already, and bacon was sizzling in the frying pan. She’d offered to help, but he’d handed her the mug of tea and pulled out a chair for her.

“Just sit and wait while I cook,” he instructed.

Rose swallowed a sigh and took a sip of her tea. She knew what he was doing. His manic energy bristled beneath the calm actions. This was part of the reason she hadn’t wanted to tell him what day today was—she’d known it would send him into a frenzy of activity, determined to avoid the significance of the day, and she didn’t have the energy to keep up with him.

The waffles and bacon were ready at the same time, and he spun around, a plate in each hand and a wide grin on his face. “Are you ready for the best breakfast you’ve ever had, Rose Tyler? You can’t have a good day without starting right with a good breakfast, you know.”

She swallowed a sigh and took the plate he offered. “Of course, Doctor.” Despite her low mood, she had to admit the waffles looked delicious.

The room was quiet for a few minutes as they both enjoyed the food, but after eating half his waffle, the Doctor drank some tea and sat back in his chair. Rose tensed, pretty sure she knew what was coming.

“So. Where would you like to go today? We’ve been spending a lot of time on beaches lately—I thought maybe we could visit the mountains? Or the prairie! Amber waves of grain, Rose. Have you ever seen the way the wind moves over a field, and how it displays the shifting shades of gold as the wheat ripens?”

“Doctor…”

“Oh! Or maybe it’s time for another trip to Earth’s past. We never did make it to Victorian Naples, or the Ian Dury concert, for that matter.”

“I think…”

“Or a marketplace? Do a little shopping? Retail therapy?”

“I don’t want retail therapy,” Rose mumbled.

“Then where do you want to go? Anywhere you want.”

Rose picked up her mug and wrapped her hands around it. “Can we… I just… I don’t want to go anywhere,” she admitted finally.

He frowned, and Rose could feel his impatience and panic roiling beneath the surface of the bond. “Don’t you want to go do something to… distract ourselves from what today is?” He leaned forward slightly. “Wouldn’t it be easier if we pretended it never happened?”

“I don’t want to _pretend_ it never happened.” she retorted. “I want it to actually never have happened. But since I can’t have that, I want to face it and move on, so that this day doesn’t haunt us every year for the rest of our lives.”

The Doctor slumped. “You’re right. I know you’re right. But I’m not much good at this “facing the difficult past” bit. I do better at running.”

Rose stood up and moved around the table to sit in his lap. “I know. But I don’t want to be running from this forever. And… and I’m tired, Doctor. I want to stay here, at home, with you.” She looked up at him through her eyelashes. “Nothing will make me feel safer than that.”

The Doctor made himself look at her—really look at her. Despite sleeping for seven hours the night before, there were still dark shadows under her eyes. And if he were honest, he could feel the emotional exhaustion pouring off of her, too.

Truthfully, the notion of staying completely safe from all danger appealed to him as well. He hugged her tight, feeling his urge to run settle when she rested her head on his shoulder. “Then we’ll stay home,” he agreed.

In the end, they stayed home for two weeks, the longest stretch of time they’d gone without travelling since right after Christmas. Rose’s nightmares were not easily slain, and the Doctor battled his own revived memories of those first few days without the bond.

The TARDIS prodded at them one morning, asking to take them somewhere. The Doctor and Rose looked at the ceiling, then at each other. “It’s your call, love,” the Doctor said finally.

Rose bit her lip, but still nodded slowly. “Yeah. All right. I trust you, old girl.”

They were buffeted by a wave of affection as they walked to the console room, where the time rotor was already in motion. “Well. It seems she doesn’t want us to waste any time.” The Doctor checked the coordinates before he opened the door; after all, it had been the TARDIS who had taken them to a Pluvonian monsoon.

His worries were groundless, and he and Rose had a delightful afternoon on the market planet of Klapar. That one trip broke their last reservations about travelling, and soon, they were back to their life of hopping around the galaxy.

One thought nagged at Rose as the weeks went on, however. Their third anniversary was now only two months away, and she had no idea what to get the Doctor. He’d taken a clandestine trip a few nights before and returned pleased as punch, so she knew he already had something planned.

“And his gifts are always so perfect,” she muttered as she hiked through the pear orchard room. “He loves my paintings, but I want to give him something different this time.”

She pressed her hand to the door of the fairytale cottage. “Any ideas, dear?” she asked as she stepped inside.

It wasn’t really a surprise when she found a velvet pouch on the table. She tipped the contents out into the palm of her hand and held one of the gemstones up to the light. It was intensely brilliant, shining with a blue and pink light. “Is it a diamond?” she asked.

The TARDIS hesitated, then gave a non-committal answer she interpreted to be, _In a way._

Rose put the stones back in the bag for safekeeping. “Well then, I think we need to make a trip to Juvelo and Juvelo,” she said, referring to the jewellers who had helped with their wedding bands. She slid the bag into her pocket and started for the door. “Can you make sure we land only a few years after we were there the first time?”

She felt the time ship begin her trip through the Vortex as she entered the corridor. The Doctor sent her a query over the bond, as she’d known he would, and she smirked.

 _My turn to take a secret trip, love,_ she told him. _Stay where you are until I get home—and no peeking at the coordinates later._

_As you wish._

Rose’s heart turned over, and she sent her love back to him. There had been times in the last year when she really hadn’t known if they would make it to the other side of healing. But then they’d moved past both their worst fight ever and the worst day of remembrance, and come out stronger on the other side.

The TARDIS landed as she reached the console room, and Rose grabbed a jacket and her purse on her way out the door. They were in the same park as before, and she called upon the three-year-old memories to lead her to the jewellers’.

When she entered the shop, Zeyyn was manning the counter while Xira worked on a project in the work room at the back, half-hidden by a curtain that was partly closed. “Hello.” Rose waved awkwardly. “I don’t know if you remember me; I bought my husband’s wedding band from you a few years ago?”

Zeyyn rocked back on his heels, an odd smile on his face. “Of course, Miss Tyler. The couple with the unique circular engraving.”

“Yeah, that’s us.” Rose reached into her pocket. “Anyway, our anniversary is coming up, and I wondered if you would be able to do a custom piece for my husband.” She placed the velvet pouch on the counter in front of Zeyyn. “Could you maybe use these and make a pair of cufflinks?”

The jeweller poured the stones out into his hand and looked at one through his loupe. “Are you aware of what you have here, Miss Tyler?” he asked after a long moment.

Rose shifted her weight from one foot to the next. “It’s a type of diamond,” she said, trying to sound certain and not questioning.

“In the most basic sense, yes.” Zeyyn set his loupe down on the counter and turned the stone in his hand. “Do you see the way it catches and holds the light? You would not find that brilliant quality in a standard diamond.” He looked up at Rose. “This is a white point star. Until today, I had only seen them in books. They originated on one planet only, and legend has it, that world was destroyed.”

Rose’s heart stopped. “Gallifrey,” she whispered.

The jeweller nodded solemnly. “After your last visit, my sister and I researched the language of your inscription. Circular Gallifreyan—no wonder we had never seen it before.”

Xira came up front to join them. “We’re honoured the last two of the Time Lords came to us for something so precious.”

Rose stared at the stone, her lip caught between her teeth. Gallifrey was one subject on which the Doctor was completely unpredictable. Even after five years together, she could never tell if mention of his home planet would send him into melancholy for a day, or incite a rant against the High Council, or just bring up bittersweet memories.

The TARDIS had suggested it though, and while the ship certainly had her own ideas of what they needed, she was usually right. Rose nodded and reached into her purse for her pencil and sketch pad.

“This is what I was thinking,” she said when she was done.

Zeyyn picked up the sketch and nodded his approval. “You are an excellent artist, Miss Tyler. Have you studied jewellery design at all?”

Rose shook her head. “It’ll work, won’t it? I’m sure it’s a little unusual, but the Doctor said you’re the best metal workers in the galaxy.”

“Oh, it won’t be a problem,” he assured her.

She exhaled. “Oh, good. And when will you have it done?”

The siblings exchanged a look. “We have several clients ahead of you. Allowing time to work on their commissions first, and to cut the stones as you specified and do the intricate metal work, I think we could have this done in a month.”

Rose bit back a sigh, and Xira raised an amused eyebrow. “The legends said Time Lords could travel in time,” she reminded, her voice mild. “Though I would like to point out that if you skip ahead until your order is complete, you’ll still have to wait to give it to the Doctor.”

“Yeah.” Rose chuckled. “And it’s not easy, keeping things from him. All right, fine. I’ll see you in a month. Linear time.”

oOoOoOoOo

The morning of their third anniversary was one of the rare times Rose woke up first. She stretched out, enjoying the crisp, smooth feeling of the hotel sheets against her bare legs. Her foot brushed against the Doctor’s leg, but he grunted incoherently and went back to sleep.

Rose laughed silently, then placed a gentle kiss on his cheek and climbed out of bed. The sunlight streaming in through the picture window called to her, and she went to bask in it.

Barcelona. The view still took her breath away as much as it had over three years ago. The cliffs rose off to her right, exactly like she remembered, and she could smell the salt breeze through the open window.

But the air seemed clearer, the sky bluer, the perfume of tropical flowers more heady. The difference, she knew, lay in the struggle they’d gone through to get here.

Yesterday, the Doctor had crowed jubilantly as they’d stepped out of the TARDIS into the balmy, tropical air. Rose’s laughter had stilled when he’d spun around and wagged a finger at her. “Don’t tell me you didn’t doubt we’d actually make it this year, after being thwarted twice.”

He was right, and he knew it. He was as familiar with her pessimistic fears as she was with his. Maybe finally making this trip would help diminish the trepidation they still felt every time they left the TARDIS.

The Doctor’s presence in her mind slowly brightened as he woke up, and a moment later, she heard the sheets rustle as he got out of bed. Rose sighed when he wrapped his arms around her waist.

He nuzzled her hair out of the way and kissed her shoulder. “Happy anniversary, Rose.”

A smile stretched across her face, and she turned in the circle of his arms so she could look at him properly. The warm happiness she could feel over the bond glowed in his eyes. “Happy anniversary, Doctor.”

She reached up and brushed her knuckles over his cheek, then closed her eyes and leaned into him when he bent down to kiss her. As their lips met, she mirrored the tender caress on the bond, sighing into his mouth when he did the same thing. The combination of physical and telepathic intimacy still made her weak in the knees, even after three and a half years.

He finally released her lips with a soft pop, and Rose’s eyes fluttered open. The Doctor brushed his thumb over her lower lip, his eyes darkening when Rose’s tongue darted out to taste it. He pushed a strand of hair over her ear, then traced a line down her back with a single finger.

“You know, this is the first time I’ve brought you to Barcelona without some kind of interference.”

Rose blinked up at him, trying to focus on the conversation and not the way his hand felt, resting above the curve of her bum. “What do you mean?” She reconsidered as soon as she said it. “I mean, outside of trying to get here two years in a row and being without the TARDIS both times. But our landing was perfect the first time we came here, too.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “You’re clearly not remembering the _first_ time I tried to bring you here. Woolwich? The Hoix?”

Laughter sparkled in Rose’s eyes, and she shook her head teasingly as she draped her arms around his neck. “We got here eventually, though, didn’t we?”

“But I wanted to take you someplace special for our first time.”

“Oh, but I’m glad we were home for that,” she confessed. “Those twelve days we spent in the Vortex… that was the perfect way for your room to become our room.” She licked her lips, then looked up at the Doctor through her eyelashes. “Plus, I like being reminded of such a special moment every time I walk into our room.”

The Doctor’s hands glided over her silky nightgown to rest on her hips, and Rose played with the hair at the nape of his neck. “You’re right,” he agreed. “Our first time was perfect, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Not now. But I can’t tell you how frustrated I was when I thought we’d landed here, and you looked out the door and said, ‘Warehouses, Doctor? You take me to the nicest places…’”

Rose laughed again, and he couldn’t resist leaning down to plant kisses along her exposed neck. When he reached the hollow of her throat and suckled at the soft skin there, her giggles broke off on a gasp. She sighed and tilted her head back in clear invitation. The Doctor hid his smile against her clavicle, then scraped his teeth over that sensitive spot before laving it with his tongue.

The taste of her desire aroused him, as it always did, but it was the sweetness of her happiness that made him groan against her throat. The idea that he could make Rose this happy, simply by loving her and being with her, was more powerful than any aphrodisiac.

Her hands moved restlessly over his bare back, then into his hair again. “Doctor.”

Thoughts were swirling in her mind, but he could tell she was having trouble concentrating on what she wanted to say. He grinned again, then straightened up and admired the reddish bruise that was already forming on her neck.

“Yes, love?”

She scratched his back lightly. “Maybe you could show me what you had planned, if we’d made it to Barcelona that day?”

Rose’s suggestion stirred up the memories of his aborted plans, and he quickly went over the necessary arrangements he’d need to make. “Tonight,” he promised. “Those plans require getting dressed and leaving our room, neither of which I’m inclined to do at the moment.”

He scooped Rose up and carried her to the bed. “Now, where was I?” he teased as he set her down and then stretched out beside her. He traced the outline of the love bite he’d left earlier, then smiled wickedly at her. “Oh, thats right,” he whispered against her skin as he licked at it. “Right here.”

oOoOoOoOo

Rose hummed to herself as she got ready for dinner. She’d let the Doctor clean up after their day lazing in the sun, but then had shooed him out of their room. She’d tucked something into her bag that would make today the perfect reenactment of those foiled plans, and she wanted it to be a surprise.

The turquoise sundress shook out completely wrinkle free, and Rose blessed futuristic fabrics for their practicality. After months of travelling to warm climates, her pale skin was sun-kissed, setting off the colour of the dress even better than it had the first time she’d put it on, over three years ago.

After putting on a pair of sandals, Rose did a quick twirl in front of the mirror. The skirt flared out around her knees in a way that made her hope the Doctor planned to take her dancing. When she stopped and looked at her reflection, her hair floated around her face in loose waves and her cheeks were pink with excitement.

Her neck looked bare, though. Rose had ignored the jewellery box the TARDIS had slipped into her bag, but now she pulled out the simple diamond necklace the Doctor had given her for her twenty-third birthday. She hadn’t worn anything around her neck except for her key since they’d left the _Valiant,_ but maybe it was time.

She fumbled with the clasp, but once it was hooked and the cool metal of the setting rested against her skin, a weight lifted from her shoulders. Bit by bit, they were taking back their life.

 _Plus,_ she thought as she looked in the mirror again, _it looks perfect with this dress._

She picked up her purse and left the room. _I’m coming down._ _Prepare to be dazzled, love._

 _You always dazzle me, and I’m never prepared,_ he replied immediately.

Rose clutched her handbag and made a quick change in direction, going down the stairs instead of the lift. He was always so caught up with her appearance that she never really got a chance to admire his. _Just for once, I want to see him first,_ she thought as she quickly descended four flights of stairs.

When she pushed open the lobby door, the Doctor’s back was to her. Rose’s hand went to her throat and ended up grasping her necklace as she stared at him.

He’d left his suit jacket in their room, so she could admire the way the dark blue Oxford stretched over his shoulders. His hands were shoved in his pockets, and she could see a glimpse of bare forearms exposed by his rolled up sleeves. Brown pinstriped trousers showed off his perfect arse.

 _Rose?_ The Doctor raked his hand through his hair, and Rose imagined how those fingers would feel later tonight as they explored her body.

She took a deep breath and stepped out of the shadows. He could tell she was there somewhere, and she was ready to get on with the next part of the evening.

“I’m right here, Doctor.”

He turned towards her voice, and his eyes widened when he saw what she was wearing. “Really getting into reliving the old plans, are you?”

She smiled when he reached for her, his hand going around her waist and pulling her close. “I brought it on a whim,” she confessed. “But it seemed like the right thing to wear tonight.”

He tapped the diamonds resting on her bare chest. “And you’re wearing your necklace.”

“Yeah. I was ready.” The Doctor beamed down at her, eyes full of pride, and Rose took advantage of the heel of her sandals to stretch up to kiss him quickly. Then she straightened his tie and took a step back. “Now, where to?”

The Doctor reached for her hand and laced his fingers through hers. “A part of Barcelona I’ve never shown you.” They left the hotel, and he led them for the cliff face instead of the paths that would lead them into town.

“Doctor?”

He smiled down at her. “You’ll love it, I promise.”

The sun was sinking towards the horizon when they reached the clifftop, and the Doctor patted himself on the back for timing the evening perfectly. Rose walked faster when she spotted the ticket office.

“Is it a chair lift down the side of the cliff?” she guessed.

The Doctor beamed at her. “Yep! Rated the best view in Barcelona for fifteen years and counting.”

“Sixteen,” the ticket agent corrected.

Rose nudged the Doctor in the ribs before he could argue. _Maybe we’re here a year later than you thought,_ she pointed out.

He nodded. “Sixteen. Right. I forgot that this year’s results had come out.”

The agent shrugged and held out his hand. “Two return tickets will be thirty credits.”

Five minutes later, the Doctor helped Rose get comfortable in the wide chair lift and waved at the operator who brought the safety bar down over their laps. She smiled up at him as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Best view in Barcelona, huh?”

“Oh yes,” he assured her. “And I think I’ve timed it just right…”

“Well, you are a Time Lord, after all.”

Her tongue teased him, and he ducked his head down to kiss her quickly. “That I am,” he agreed after he pulled back. “Now stop distracting me, or we’re going to miss the show.”

They dropped over the edge of the cliff, and Rose’s giggle turned into a gasp. The sun was low on the horizon over the azure waters of the Barcelonian sea. Wispy clouds had moved in during the late afternoon and now caught the pink and purple rays of the setting sun.

But the Doctor was more interested in how the shifting colours danced over Rose’s features. Her blonde hair caught the pink light of the sun, making it look like rose gold. He reached out and brushed a strand out of her face, and she turned to look up at him.

 _My pink and yellow Rose,_ he said as he leaned down to kiss her. _Happy anniversary._

Rose sighed when he caught her lower lip between his. _Happy anniversary, Doctor._

Her hand crept up over his shoulder to play with the hairs at the nape of his neck, making the Doctor shiver. He nipped at her lip, then slowly pulled out of the kiss. Rose pouted up at him, and he shook his head. “We’re missing the view,” he told her, nodding to the sky.

She sighed, but settled against his side. The Doctor wrapped his arm around her shoulders and rested his head on top of hers. Sea birds were silhouetted in the setting sun, soaring over the waves and diving down into the water when they spotted a possible dinner.

“So, this was part of your original plan?”

Rose rested her right hand on his left knee and absently traced patterns over it with her index finger. He could tell she wasn’t aware of what she was doing, which made it even more intoxicating.

“Doctor?”

The Doctor blinked; Rose had asked him a question… “Oh! Yes, sorry.” He looked down at her again, admiring the pink glow to her skin. “And the view is as perfect as I imagined it would be.”

A blush spread over Rose’s cheeks that could not be attributed to the sunset. “Well, you’re as dashing as I thought you’d be. Though back then, I didn’t know how impressive your skills at romance were—this would have absolutely stunned me.”

He hummed happily and pulled her closer. “Well, if you think this is impressive, wait until you see where we’re going to have dinner.”

Rose smiled and leaned against him to watch the view, but to her surprise, the sunset disappeared only a few minutes later when the chair lift lowered them through a hole in an outcropping. She blinked a few times as her eyes adjusted to the dim light of the cave they’d entered. The salty tang of the sea air was even sharper in the enclosed space, and goosebumps broke out on Rose’s bare arms.

The Doctor rubbed her arms briskly. “It’ll warm up in a minute,” he murmured. “See, it’s already getting lighter.”

He was right. The shaft they were in appeared to be opening up, letting more light in as they neared the bottom. “Did they build a restaurant in the cliff?” Rose asked.

“Yep! Just wait until you see it though—it’s truly indescribable, Rose.”

A uniformed employee let them out of the chair lift when they reached the cave floor, then led them through the maze of tables to one situated against the railing at the front of the cave. Rose waited until they were seated and the server had walked away to lean over the table and whisper, “Did you use the TARDIS this afternoon to go back and make a reservation for the best table they have?”

She’d felt the shift in her bond with both the Doctor and the TARDIS after she’d kicked him out of the room so she could get ready, so the question was more to let him know she’d noticed, and she appreciated the effort he’d gone to.

The Doctor leaned back in his chair and waved at the ocean, displayed for them in full living colour. “A little bit of a time travel cheat,” he admitted. “But isn’t it worth it?”

Rose looked out at the water. The sun was completely gone, and the vibrant colours of ten minutes ago had faded to soft pinks and violets. “Definitely.”

The sea breeze lifted her hair slightly off the nape of her neck, and lanterns hanging from the railing lit the cave. The rhythmic swoosh as the waves lapped at the cliff thirty feet below blended in romantic harmony with the string quintet tuning their instruments beside the parquet dance floor.

A different server appeared. “Can I bring you any drinks while you look at the menu?” Rose nodded when the Doctor shot her a quick glance, and he ordered both wine and dinner for both of them.

Rose was more interested in the opportunities provided by the floor length white table cloth. While the Doctor was ordering a three course meal, she slipped her right sandal off. She reached out and brushed her toes over his calf, making him stumble over the order. He raised an eyebrow at her and finished quickly, handing the menus to the server.

Once she had the Doctor’s complete attention, Rose slid her foot under his trouser leg, feeling his coarse hair against her toes.

He took a breath and let it out slowly. _What are you playing at, love?_

Rose smiled at him, letting her see the tip of her tongue as she slid her foot up as high as it would go. _Just teasing, like I would have if we’d made it here that night like you planned._

_You would have been bold enough to tease on our very first night together?_

Rose pressed her lips together to contain her laughter. _Doctor, I was bold enough to start stripping in the console room so you would take me to bed._

She watched his adam’s apple bob. _Yep. You were._

Rose giggled softly at the squeak he couldn’t contain, even in his telepathic voice.

The Doctor’s eyes narrowed, and then Rose felt the ripple that meant he’d paused time for a moment, and she realised he held her foot firmly in his lap. Her mouth went dry when he started tracing random designs on her ankle. The lower his fingers moved, the harder it was to breathe.

His left hand disappeared, and his right shifted to wrap around her ankle. Rose stared into his dark eyes, waiting and wondering. _He won’t actually…_

Then he ran one finger from the tip of her big toe all the way down to her heel. Rose pressed her lips together to stifle her moan. _Doctor…_

The firm press of his knuckles to the arch of her foot sent fire through her veins, and she couldn’t suppress a whimper. “Doctor, please.”

He chuckled, then let go of her foot, leaving Rose feeling both relieved and aching for more. _Don’t tease if you can’t take it in return, love._

She took a shaky breath, and gladly accepted the glass of wine from the server who appeared at precisely the right moment. _I’ll keep that in mind._

Once her heart rate was back to normal, she looked over at the Doctor, who looked entirely too pleased with himself. _I think you cheated, though. You definitely wouldn’t have done that on our first trip to Barcelona, because you didn’t know yet how sensitive my feet are._

The Doctor smiled at her over the rim of his wineglass, and Rose’s heart thudded in her chest. _Oh, Rose. If you think I’m going to pretend I don’t have three years’ worth of intimate knowledge of how your body reacts to mine…_

Their teasing banter continued throughout dinner, and for once, Rose was unable to regain the upper hand. _I wanted to woo you that night,_ he explained as they finished their meals. _I wanted to completely sweep you off your feet, to make you feel utterly adored and desired and cherished._

Tears pricked behind her eyelids, and she reached for his hand. _If tonight is a sample of what that night would have been like, you would have succeeded,_ she assured him. _And you always make me feel like that when we make love._

The server cleared his throat. “Sorry to interrupt,” he said, and Rose abruptly remembered the native Barcelonians were all low-level telepaths. He couldn’t tell what they were saying, but doubtless, he recognised a telepathic conversation when he saw one. She let go of the Doctor’s hand and sat up in her chair.

“Would you care for any dessert tonight?”

The Doctor shook his head, surprising Rose. “No, I think we’ll just enjoy our wine and then some dancing before we return to our room.”

“Very well, sir. Shall I bill this to your room?”

Rose waited until the transaction had been finalised, then raised an eyebrow at the Doctor. “No dessert?”

His answering smile reignited the desire that had been simmering all evening. _I have something waiting for us in our room._

Rose took a sip of wine to hide her strangled moan. The Doctor was determined to kill her tonight, it seemed. Looking for anything to distract herself from the way he was purposely trying to seduce her, she suddenly remembered the small box she had in her purse.

“I have a gift for you.”

The Doctor smiled when Rose handed him the small, gift-wrapped box. “I have something for you, too,” he told her, leaning over so he could retrieve it from his pocket. “Happy anniversary, Rose.”

She smiled, and her nose crinkled up the way it did sometimes when she was truly happy. To the Doctor’s surprise, as soon as she tore the wrapping paper off and spotted the jewellery box, she started to laugh.

“Unwrap yours,” she told him, without opening the box to see what it actually held.

A glimmer of suspicion entered his mind when he picked up his gift and realised it was the exact same dimensions as hers. His laughter joined hers when he removed the wrapping paper and set the identical red velvet box down on the table, directly across from hers.

“No wonder he had that look on his face when I came in,” Rose finally said, once the main rush of amusement was over. “He looked like he was keeping a secret, and I never thought to ask why.”

The Doctor shook his head, still chuckling. “He looked plenty pleased with himself when I picked up your gift. Which, speaking of.” He pointed to the box in her hands. “You first.”

Rose opened the box and pulled out the pendant he’d ordered for her. The small wolf was made of laurium, but traces of gold had been worked in around her eyes. She touched the glittering eyes with her fingertip.

“It’s called a white point star,” the Doctor explained, his voice soft. “It was the Gallifreyan diamond. I thought… You could put it on the chain you keep your key on?”

Rose reached into her purse again and pulled out the chain with her TARDIS key, and he watched her undo the latch and slide the wolf onto it. The charm clanked slightly when it bumped into the key, and she held it up so the candlelight glinted in the diamond eyes.

“The Bad Wolf and the TARDIS.” She stood up partway and leaned across the table to kiss him. “Thank you, Doctor,” she said after she sat down. She rubbed her thumb over the wolf, then put the chain in her purse for safekeeping. “Now it’s your turn.”

Rose bit her lip while the Doctor opened his box. Now that she’d seen her gift, most of her reservations regarding his had evaporated. Clearly, he was ready to see a daily reminder of Gallifrey. But would he like the design she’d come up with?

The Doctor pulled one of the cufflinks out of the box and turned it in the light. “You designed this, didn’t you?” A white point star flashed in the centre of a golden rose. The floral design rested atop a rectangular pedestal, and around the edge of the base were the Gallifreyan characters spelling out “Forever.”

“Yeah. I thought… you like to say that…”

The Doctor reached for her hand. “You are my forever, Rose.”

She exhaled loudly. “Yeah.”

“Did the TARDIS give you the gems?”

Rose nodded. “I didn’t know what to get you, and she suggested something with that, so I took it to…” Rose let the sentence trail off. “We must have gone to the shop to place our orders on the same day,” she realised. “Either that, or Zeyyn lied to me. He told me that until that day, he’d only seen white point stars in books.”

The Doctor chuckled. “He certainly enjoyed playing his part in our surprise. You say he was smirking when you placed your order. He was even worse when I picked mine up a few weeks ago.”

Rose smiled and shook her head. “They’re good people,” she said quietly.

“And amazing jewellers.” The Doctor turned the cufflink, studying it from all angles. “This is incredible.”

“You like it, then?”

“It’s my second favourite anniversary gift you’ve ever given me.”

Rose furrowed her brow. “I’ve only given you two anniversary gifts,” she pointed out. “I know we had fun with the camera, but surely these are better than that?”

The Doctor stood up and held out his hand for Rose. “I’ll tell you about the best anniversary gift you ever gave me while we dance.” She let him pull her to her feet and lead her to the dance floor, where the string quintet had just started a waltz.

He held Rose close for a turn around the floor, then pulled back enough to meet her questioning gaze. “One year ago today, I woke up thinking it was the first of many anniversaries I’d suffer through without you.” He pressed his lips together and willed away the tears that threatened. “That night, I went to bed knowing that if all went well, I would see you again in only two more months.”

Rose’s calm, steady presence in his mind warmed and spread into the painful memories, and he took a shuddering breath before continuing. “Last year… last year you gave me one of the best gifts I’ve ever gotten, anniversary or not. You gave me hope.”

“I’d almost forgotten that happened on our anniversary,” she admitted.

“I never will. I was looking at your picture, trying to find the strength to get through the day, when Lucy Saxon came in with my lunch, looking more agitated than usual. She stumbled purposely so the glass of water would tip over, and while I helped her clean it up, she said…” The Doctor closed his eyes and relived that moment.

_“Doctor. The Wolf has only been silenced—your story is not over. And… she says you get a pass this year, but you’d better take her to Barcelona for your next anniversary.”_

The remembered relief made his knees weak, and Rose moved closer to him, supporting his weight with her own. The Doctor pressed his cheek to her temple gratefully as the emotions swelled and then faded.

After a moment, he straightened up and looked down at her. “And here we are, finally.”

Rose slid her hands over his chest to link them behind his neck. “I thought that might convince you the message was real.”

The Doctor brushed his thumbs over her hips. “Do you know what my first thought was, when I dared believe it?” Rose cocked her head, and he smiled down at her. “You and I are joined by the bonds of love, Rose, and he could not break that—not with a thousand swords.”

 _Doctor._ Her lips parted, and love shone in her eyes. The Doctor cradled her face between his hands and kissed her tenderly. The memories of the previous year made him cherish the feeling of her in his arms even more than he usually did. Rose was here— _they_ were here. It could have gone so differently.

When she sighed into the kiss, he eased away from her and smiled down at her. “Ready to head to the room?” he suggested.

Rose blinked up at him, then stepped back and took his hand when his words registered. “Definitely,” she whispered. His hand flexed around hers, and she let her gaze linger on his lips for a moment. _I’m ready to be alone with you, finally._

After a quick stop at their table for her purse and their anniversary gifts, they returned to the chair lift and settled in for the ride to the top of the cliff. It was chillier in the open air than Rose had expected, and when she couldn’t contain her shivers, the Doctor wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

Rose knew his only intent in the gesture was to keep her warm, but after an evening of teasing and blatant seduction, feeling his hand on her bare skin was almost too much. Maddeningly, he didn’t seem affected by their closeness at all—although she could tell he’d just become aware of how affected she was.

He jumped when she rested her left hand on his knee. She left it there for a few minutes, until he started to relax, then she slowly let her fingers move, tracing along the seam of his trousers.

A soft groan of her name escaped his lips, and she smiled innocently at him. “Yes, Doctor?”

He caught her hand and brought it to his lips before lacing their fingers together so she couldn’t tease him anymore. “Minx,” he whispered in her ear. “Do you know what I would have been thinking at this moment if we’d come here three years ago like I planned?”

Rose tilted her chin up so she could look up at him through her eyelashes. “Hmmm… calculating exactly how long it would take to get to our room? ‘I should have known Rose would be a tease—her tongue has been driving me crazy for two years?’”

The Doctor threw his head back and laughed. “Well, probably,” he admitted. “But no… Do you remember what I told you before we went to Makuyu, when you thought I didn’t want to bond with you?”

Rose wrinkled her forehead. That seemed like so long ago—much longer than three and a half years. “Not really,” she admitted finally. “I remember that you’d thought _I_ wouldn’t want a bond with _you_ , though.”

He nodded. “I tried to explain that maybe you wouldn’t want to share a permanent telepathic connection with someone who has the kind of dark memories I have.”

“That’s right.” Rose reached up and stroked his cheek. “I’ve never found your mind to be as dark as you thought it was.”

The Doctor turned his head and pressed a kiss to her palm. “Partly, that’s because it didn’t occur to me when I said it that not every part of my mind is dark. I have plenty of happy memories as well.” He pulled her closer to him, and she rested her head on his shoulder. “But also, love, you have an amazing gift of helping me focus on those lighter parts. And when the darkness threatens, you’re there to hold my hand and help me through it.”

“For better or for worse,” Rose whispered.

“That’s right. If this last year has shown me one thing, it’s that you truly are my other half. The bond makes that natural, of course, but even before we bonded, you still brought light to my life.” She felt him press a kiss to her temple. “I love you so much, Rose. That’s what I would have been thinking three years ago, and it’s what I’m thinking tonight.”

“Oh, Doctor.” Of course he would have made a beautiful comment like that. His ability to find the right words in any situation had saved planets and brought down governments, and his words made her fall in love with him, over and over.

Like so many times, she wished she shared that talent. Instead, Rose focused on the bond, opening it just enough for him to feel how overwhelmed she was at the moment. The mélange of emotions coursing through her was too confusing for her to pick apart, but she knew she loved him, and she focused on that.

He turned his head and his nose brushed against hers. Moonlight cast his face in shadow, but she didn’t need to see his eyes to know what he was asking.

Rose reached up and tugged his head down for a kiss. The Doctor’s lips were warm and soft, and his mouth tasted of the rich, red wine they’d drank with their meal.

In all their talk about what this night would have been like, Rose hadn’t forgotten how things had actually gone when they’d become intimate. She called up that full memory now, focusing for a moment to make it as vivid as possible. Then she shared it with the Doctor, reminding him of the playfulness and the passion, but also the tenderness when they’d finally joined for the first time.

He groaned and dropped a hand to her hip, trying to tug her up and into his lap. He grunted his disapproval when the safety bar got in the way.

“You know,” a stranger’s voice said, “you’d probably have better luck if you let me get you out of that chair, first.”

Rose felt her face turn red, but she was honestly too tired of waiting to be any more embarrassed. She sat back in the seat and the young man undid the safety latch, letting them go.

The Doctor jumped out first, and Rose saw him drop a handful of coins into the attendant’s outstretched hand. Then he reached for Rose’s hand, and the zing of electricity that went up her arm as soon as they touched confirmed what she already knew about how turned on he was.

The sound of the attendant’s chuckles faded into the night behind them as they jogged up the path towards the hotel. The lift was blessedly empty, but when Rose expected the Doctor to take advantage of the privacy to kiss her, he shook his head and maintained the slight distance between them.

Her protests vanished when she heard him in her mind, whispering promises of all he had planned for the rest of the night. Rose’s mouth fell open and heat swept over her body as she silently urged the lift to hurry up.

When they finally reached their room, Rose was surprised by the food service cart that was right inside the door… until she remembered the Doctor’s comment about dessert.

“What is it?” she asked, reaching for the silver domed lid.

“Take a look,” he invited, moving to stand behind her.

The small pot of melted chocolate wasn’t a surprise; Rose had smelled chocolate the moment they’d stepped into the room. But she hadn’t expected the bowl of mellora berries.

Delicious memories of the last time they’d shared the fruit made her belly tighten with desire, heightened by the kisses the Doctor pressed to her neck and shoulder. “I thought I’d like to combine three of my favourite flavours,” he told her. “Chocolate… mellora berries… and you.”

 

 


	5. The Old Team

A month after they left Barcelona, Rose conspired with the TARDIS on a special surprise for the Doctor. The TARDIS took Rose to a little-known food market on an out-of-the-way planet—Rose suspected it was slightly less than legal, but they had the ingredients she needed, so she didn’t ask. While the meal was cooking and the Doctor tinkered in his work room, she decorated the galley. Once she had everything ready, she called for him to join her.

The look on his face when he stumbled to a halt in the doorway made all the hard work she’d put into the arrangements worth it. “You said you’d do this,” the Doctor said. “Pick a date and throw a birthday party for me.”

Rose grabbed one of the balloons by the ribbon and tugged so it bobbed up and down. “Oh, but I didn’t just choose a date, Doctor.” She shot him a smile, letting her tongue peek out. “According to my insider information, today actually is your birthday.”

“Who do you…” The Doctor’s eyes widened, and she knew the memory had just unlocked, exactly as she’d asked the first incarnation of the Doctor when she’d met him on Esperas.

_The Doctor walked away from the intriguing young woman who would one day be his bond mate. The… feelings he was picking up from her were almost overwhelming, and he wondered idly what would happen to give his future self the ability to handle them._

_“Doctor!”_

_He turned around at the call of his name. “Is there something I can do for you, my dear?”_

_She rocked back on her heels and gave him a cheeky smile, with a bit of her tongue poking out. “I don’t suppose you remember when your birthday is.”_

_The Doctor huffed. “Of course I remember my own birthday.”_

_Rose chuckled. “Well, you do now, but I can tell you, eventually the date slips your mind. All right, so when is it—relative to the Earth calendar, if you please?”_

_It took him a few minutes to do the conversions, but finally he had it. “November twenty-third. And I would tell you how old I am, but since I’ve apparently forgotten my birthday in my dotage, I can’t imagine I know how old I am.”_

_Rose’s laughter warmed his hearts, and impulsively, the Doctor snagged her hand and pressed a kiss to it. “I do hope you surprise me, my dear.”_

_“Oh, you can count on it, Doctor.” She bit her lip, and the Doctor waited while she considered. “Would you mind actually… could you set the trigger on this memory to unlock when you know it’s your birthday?”_

_The Doctor reached out and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “For you, my dear, anything.”_

_Her cheeks turned pink, and the Doctor turned and hurried off before he embarrassed himself any further over the young human woman._

In the galley, the current Doctor’s eyes cleared when the memory was done playing back. “Oh, Rose,” he murmured, sweeping her up in a hug. “You beautiful, fantastic woman. Of course you’d take advantage of meeting a younger me to set up surprises for me.”

“Well what’s the use of time travel if you don’t use it for fun sometimes, yeah?”

The Doctor chuckled, then kissed the top of her head before letting her go. “Absolutely. Now I’m famished, so let’s eat.”

oOoOoOoOo

An hour later, the Doctor pushed back from the table, feeling full and content. “I don’t know where you got the spices to make Malbronian sweet and sour pork,” he told Rose, “but that was the best meal I’ve had in ages. Thank you.”

An impish smile crossed Rose’s face. “I hope you aren’t full yet, Doctor, because there’s still dessert to come.”

“Oh?”

She stood up and opened a cabinet. “Of course. What would a birthday be without cake?”

The Doctor stared down at the tall, round cake covered in a cream-coloured icing. His nose already told him the answer, but he still asked, “Rose. Is that… _banana cake?_ ”

Rose lit the ten candles she’d placed on the cake and pushed it towards him. “Happy birthday, Doctor.”

The Doctor blew exuberantly, but the candles did not go out. He blew three more times, but each time, the wicks relit themselves. Finally, her laughter gave her away, and his confused frown turned into a mock pout.

“Have you been playing a birthday prank on me, Rose Tyler?”

“It’s possible.” She leaned on the table and smirked at him. “Wanna know the trick?”

He snorted. “Oh, I know the trick. The trick is that you’ve once again gotten our TARDIS to conspire against me.”

Rose winked. “Yeah, but if you come over here and blow at it from this side, she’ll let it go out.”

The Doctor rolled his eyes, but willingly moved to stand beside Rose, then leaned over the table and blew on the candles a fifth time. As promised, this time they stayed out.

“Finally,” he muttered, making Rose giggle.

The happy sound made his hearts ache, and instead of sitting back down, he tugged Rose closer and kissed her soundly. The move caught her completely by surprise, and she was still for a few seconds before she kissed him back, spearing her fingers through his hair and scraping her teeth over his bottom lip.

When he pulled back, she brushed her fingers against her lips and looked at him, wide-eyed. “What inspired that?”

He smiled, then kissed her again, softer this time. “Thank you for making my life fun again. The surprises, the games, the teasing…” He shrugged. “Let’s just say our relationship is nothing like a traditional Time Lord marriage, and I couldn’t be happier about that.”

Rose nodded slowly, and the Doctor could feel her thinking as she cut into the cake. He sat back down when she put a slice at his place and dug in while he waited for her to tell him what she was thinking.

His eyes closed in bliss when the first bite of cake hit his tongue. “Oh, this is so good,” he groaned after he’d swallowed. “Dense and full of banana flavour, and the filling between the layers is so fluffy and sweet.”

“I’m glad you like it.” Rose took a bite of her own slice, then licked the frosting from her lips and said, “Doctor… Would you… would you even _want_ me to be like a Gallifreyan Time Lord?”

The Doctor’s fork clattered to the plate. “God, no!” he said forcefully. “I never said that, did I? I was so focused on helping you see that you weren’t less than them that I never really said how much better you are.”

Rose shook her head. “Not really. I mean… I think it was there, if I’d paid enough attention to put it together.”

The Doctor reached across the table for her hand. “Well then, let me be clear,” he said. “The Time Lords were a dull, boring lot with xenophobic tendencies and no sense of humour. I love that you’re human in all the ways that really matter.”

Tears welled up in Rose’s eyes, but he knew they were happy tears. She tugged her hand from his to wipe them away, then smiled brightly. “I bet none of those stuffy Time Lords would have made you a banana cake for your birthday.”

He waved his fork at her. “You have no idea how right you are, love.”

oOoOoOoOo

The next morning, Rose shook her head in amusement as the Doctor served himself a large slice of banana cake. “Cake for breakfast?” she asked as she started the kettle.

“Bananas are an excellent source of potassium, even if they’re baked into a cake.”

“I’m sure,” Rose said, her voice dry. She pulled a yogurt out of the fridge for herself, then got their favourite cups out of the cabinet just as the kettle boiled.

“You don’t sound convinced,” the Doctor said. “Maybe today I should take you to Villengard so you can see the banana groves there.”

Rose set his tea in front of him, then sat down. “You’ve threatened that before,” she drawled. “I’m not worried.”

His eyes widened comically. “Threatened? _Threatened_?” he spluttered. “That settles it. As soon as we’re done eating breakfast, we’ll pack a picnic and go.”

“Fine by me,” Rose said languidly. She ate a few bites of yogurt, then said, “Doesn’t mean you’ll convince me they’re better than pears, though.”

His shock was so visceral, Rose couldn’t contain her laughter any longer. The Doctor’s eyes narrowed, then he shook his head. “You’re having me on. But you’d better not disparage the banana while we’re touring the groves. They take their fruit very seriously.”

Rose smiled innocently, and the Doctor raised an eyebrow. “ _Very_ seriously.”

She took a sip of tea to hide her smile. The lighthearted banter she remembered from their extended honeymoon was back. Finally making it to Barcelona seemed to have been the last thing they’d needed to really feel like themselves again.

There was one more milestone to pass, but she wasn’t sure how to mention it to the Doctor. She bit her lip as she watched him polish off the slice of cake.

“I know,” he told her, acknowledging her unspoken thoughts. “In just a few weeks, it’ll have been a year since we left the _Valiant._ ”

Rose looked at him. “One year since we came home.”

He grinned. “Exactamundo!”

She laughed when he wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Don’t worry, love, I won’t let you say that again.”

“Good.” He stuck his tongue out, as if the word had left a bad taste in his mouth. “Anyway! What would you like to do to celebrate our year of freedom?”

There was a special project Rose had been thinking about, but the idea was still forming, and it wasn’t really a celebration anyway. “You pick,” she told the Doctor. “Take us somewhere that you think best symbolises us being together again.”

He beamed, and Rose’s fingers itched for a pencil. That was _exactly_ the look she wanted to capture…

“Excellent! Three weeks gives me plenty of time to plan the perfect place to visit.”

He was so happy and relaxed and himself, and Rose made sure she had her sketchbook with her when they left the TARDIS. As promised, they picnicked under the shade of the broad banana leaves after getting a complete tour of the grove.

When they were done eating, Rose leaned against a tree trunk and pulled her sketchbook out. The Doctor was lying on his back, a completely relaxed expression on his face. It wasn’t quite what she had in mind, but the posture was close, so she paid attention to those details, noting things like how his jacket draped and bunched when he was lying down like that.

The Doctor cracked an eye open and looked at Rose. Her mind rested against his, content, yet active. As soon as he saw her leaning against a banana tree with her sketchpad propped up on her knees, he placed the slight scratching sound of pencil on paper.

“What are you working on?” He sat up and scooted closer to her, but to his surprise, she snapped the book shut.

“Nothing I’m ready to show you yet.”

The Doctor raised an eyebrow. “All right. Are you ready to go?”

Rose shook her head. “Tell me more about Villengard,” she requested.

He lay back down on the picnic blanket and started rambling about all the things he knew about the planet. After a few sentences, he heard Rose’s pencil scratching across her paper again, and he paused to look at her.

“Keep going,” she said absently as she erased a bit.

The Doctor’s hearts warmed. She was drawing _him._ And for some reason, she wanted to capture him in lecture mode.

He talked for another twenty minutes before Rose shut her sketchbook again and crawled across the blanket to curl up beside him. “The sun’s making me sleepy,” she mumbled as she rested her head on his shoulder.

The Doctor chuckled. “You can take a nap here if you like, or we can go home.”

“Don’t wanna move. It feels good.”

She drifted off a few minutes later, and he wrapped his arms around her and floated in the feeling of peace that had surrounded them since Barcelona.

Thinking about Barcelona reminded him of the final milestone of this year that was coming up. He knew where he wanted to take Rose, but he was a little worried she wouldn’t understand or appreciate the meaning behind his choice.

Even from ten miles away, the TARDIS hummed her exasperation. The planet had been his own idea, but she’d chimed in excitedly as soon as the idea had come to him, and she’d had very little patience with his uncertainty.

“Fine,” he muttered. “Koroligis it is.”

oOoOoOoOo

Three weeks later, Rose was sitting in the console room, swinging her legs from the jump seat with barely contained excitement. She’d finished her latest work two days before and was just waiting for the right chance to show it to the Doctor.

_Maybe when we get home_. She picked at her cuticles—her nervous anticipation had to come out somehow, even if she was sitting still.

When the Doctor flipped the lever with a flourish, sending the TARDIS into flight, Rose laughed and jumped to her feet. The Doctor wrapped his arms around her waist and twirled her around the console as they flew. His wide, carefree grin made Rose’s heart sing, and she grabbed his tie and pulled him down for a kiss.

His happy hum when their lips met derailed Rose’s intent to just give him a quick kiss before spinning away to the door. Instead, she slid her hands over his chest to link behind his neck and nibbled at his bottom lip. The Doctor’s hands landed on her hips, then slid down to her bum and squeezed gently. His tongue swiped at her lips, and Rose opened her mouth and arched into him.

All thoughts of their trip vanished from their minds, until the TARDIS landed with more force than necessary, causing them to stumble away from each other as they struggled to keep their balance.

Rose looked at the Doctor, his hair askew and lips glistening and kiss-swollen, and started giggling. “I think she wants our attention.”

“Right. Koroligis awaits.” The Doctor raked a hand through his hair, which only made it look more disheveled.

Rose shook her head and reached out to smooth his hair. He purred when her hands touched his scalp, and she swallowed hard. “There.” She shoved both hands in her pockets. “You only look a little bit like we were snogging.”

He smirked and tugged at a piece of her hair. “You, however, look thoroughly snogged.”

Rose felt wispy strands of hair brushing against her neck and knew the neat braid she’d done earlier was ruined. She groaned and quickly undid it, then stuck the hair band in her pocket. “Guess I’ll just leave it down.” She shook her hair out, then grabbed his hand. “You never told me. Why did you choose this place?”

The Doctor smiled at her. “We’ve landed in the middle of the annual Lanima festival. It’s a celebration of love and romance—an extended Valentine’s Day, if you like, only with an added element.”

Rose raised an eyebrow as she opened the door. “What’s that?”

It was sunny and warm outside, with the faint fragrance of flowers lingering on the air, like it does in spring when everything is in bloom. They’d landed in an alley not far from the park at the city centre, which would be decked out for the festival. After locking the doors, the Doctor took Rose’s hand and they stepped out onto the street, lined with shops.

“Koroligans are telepathic, and this is their annual soulmates festival. Everyone who wants to be matched romantically comes to Lanima—that’s the native word for soulmate.”

He pointed to the signs in the shops, all advertising special offers for Lanima, or “Buy one, get one half off for your lanima” deals.

“When they meet the one or ones most compatible with them, their telepathy lights up their minds like a pinball machine, letting them know they’ve found the one.”

Loud voices interrupted his explanation, and a moment later, a tall, svelte woman chased an average-looking bloke around the corner. “I don’t know why our minds connected,” she said, her voice snide. “It’s obvious that I’m _way_ out of your league.”

Rose winced along with the man, then looked at the Doctor. “I thought you said this was a romantic holiday. And that their telepathy made sure these people were connected to the person best suited for them.” She gestured at the retreating couple. “That didn’t look very romantic to me.”

The Doctor shoved his hands into his pockets and stared at the couple. “It didn’t, did it?” he said absently. That was absolutely _not_ what was supposed to happen during Lanima. The initial connection between matched minds was supposed to be euphoric as neurotransmitters that encouraged pair-bonding were released by all partners.

He glanced down at Rose. Her eyes were bright and curious, and there was a frown creasing her forehead as she watched other Koroligans fight their intended partners. A swell of affection swept over him. He always loved watching Rose as she worked out the truth behind their adventures.

“I brought you here so we could enjoy the festival, but if that’s any indication, there might not be a festival to enjoy.” The Doctor bounced lightly on his toes. “What do you say, love? Are you ready to do a little investigating?”

Rose grinned up at him, her tongue caught between her teeth. “You read my mind. Shall we chase after them, then?”

The Doctor shook his head. “We need to get to the festival grounds.” He held out his hand and wiggled his fingers, and Rose took it. “Allons-y, Rose Tyler.”

They passed several other bickering couples on their way to the centre of town, but they still weren’t prepared for the cacophony of raised voices that met them when they reached the festival.

“This is awful, Doctor,” Rose said in a low voice. “Who do we talk to to find out what’s going on?”

The Doctor pointed to a white pavilion off to the left. “I bet that’s where the festival organisers are. Hopefully at least one of them has escaped this madness.”

There were two long tables under the pavilion with name cards at every place—the organisers, as the Doctor had suspected. He zeroed in on one woman sitting alone, watching in dismay as a loud fight broke out at the next table between two women and a man.

“So!” the Doctor said brightly. “This isn’t what I expected when I brought my lanima to the festival.”

The woman’s eyes flickered over to meet his gaze. “If you have a partner, it might be best if you left Koroligis,” she said morosely. “It seems that every matched pair is in the middle of a massive, planet-wide breakup.”

“I take it you don’t have a lanima,” Rose said.

The woman smiled ruefully. “I have no personal desire for romance, but I love being a part of this festival so I can see the joy and happiness on people’s faces when they meet their matches. This… this is not why I run the festival.”

Rose glanced around at the romantic setting. The entire festival grounds were decked out with flowers and greenery, creating private nooks with cosy benches where new lovers could sit and chat. “You went to all the effort to encourage romance, and instead this is what happened.” She shook her head. “We could help you sort out what’s happening, if you’d like.”

The woman blinked. “I’m sorry. Who are you?”

The Doctor held out his hand. “I’m the Doctor, and this is Rose Tyler. And we have a rather personal interest in people getting in the way of mating bonds.”

“I’m Elzibitte,” the woman said as she shook his hand. “And I still don’t understand how you’ve managed to remain unaffected by whatever is going on, but if you think you can help, we would be most grateful.”

The Doctor beamed. “Excellent! Now, if you’ll excuse us, we’ll get to work.”

Elzibitte nodded faintly, then sat back down. The Doctor pulled Rose away from the crowd, then looked down at her.

“Rose, I’m going to suggest something a bit unusual. You can say no if it makes you too uncomfortable, but I think it would be the fastest way to help these people.”

“What is it, Doctor?”

“I think we need to lower our telepathic barriers.”

Rose recoiled. “Why?”

He took her hands, willing her to understand that he wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t necessary. “Because unless I miss my guess, there’s some kind of disruptor sending out a signal that’s telling everyone with a mate to treat them horribly instead of with kindness and love. I just need to know for sure if that’s what we’re dealing with.”

Rose pressed her lips together, then squared her shoulders and nodded once. “All right, Doctor. These poor people don’t deserve to have their brand-new bonds messed with.”

Pride swelled in the Doctor’s hearts, and he bent down to kiss Rose. _Have I told you today that I love you?_

_Not in so many words._

_Hmmm… then I love you._

She sighed and her lips parted. _I love you, too, Doctor._

He pulled back and cupped her face between his hands, brushing his thumbs over her cheekbones. _Remember that, in case I say anything… anything I wouldn’t typically say to you._

Anxiety twisted in Rose’s gut, but she nodded. They could handle a short period of exposure to the telepathic signal, even if they did say things they wouldn’t typically.

_On three,_ the Doctor said. He counted down, and they both lowered their barriers at the same moment.

Rose groaned and put her hand to her temple. “That’s… that’s not right,” she muttered. “It’s like something is trying to get into my head.”

“Well, I did say there was a telepathic disruptor at work,” the Doctor snapped. “Or weren’t you paying attention?”

Rose put her hands on her hips. “Oi, don’t talk to me in that tone of voice. I am sick of you treating me like you’re smarter than me an’ everyone else, just because you’re a bloody Time Lord.”

As soon as she spoke the words, she clapped a hand over her mouth. The Doctor’s eyes were wide when he mirrored her.

_I did not expect it to work that quickly._

Rose struggled with sarcastic remarks regarding his supposed intelligence, but managed to say, _So you were right about it being a telepathic disruptor?_

The question obviously annoyed him, but like Rose, he managed to hold back his harsh words. _Of course I was right._

_Good. Then can we raise our barriers again? I don’t like this._

He nodded, and they sighed in unison as their shared telepathic barriers blocked the signal from the disruptor. “I feel dirty.” Rose scrubbed vigorously at her arms. “It felt… it felt like there was something else in my head, making me say things to you that I’ve never even thought.” She looked up at the Doctor. “I swear, nothing you heard were my actual thoughts.”

The Doctor pulled her close and pressed his forehead to hers. “I know, Rose. I know. And you know I would never talk to you like that, right? You know I think you’re brilliant?”

Rose wrapped her arms around his waist and nestled closer to him. “Yeah, I know.”

Despite the lingering discomfort, Rose felt a smile stretch across her face. With the exception of their adventure on the _Titanic_ a year ago, this was the first time in two years that she and the Doctor had poked around where they didn’t belong, trying to solve a problem.

The Doctor chuckled and pressed a kiss to her temple. “Feels good to be back, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, it does.” Rose stepped away from him and took his hand. “All right, Doctor. Where to?”

He pulled his sonic screwdriver out. “A telepathic disruptor strong enough to affect an entire city would be emitting a radio frequency I should be able to track.” The sonic beeped, and he pointed away from the main shopping district. “This way! And not far, by the sound of it.”

Their hands swung between them while they walked, and Rose wanted laugh at how familiar and _right_ that felt. Instead, she focused on the few things they’d learned since arriving on Koroligis.

“The only person we’ve seen who wasn’t affected by the disruptor was someone without a lanima.” The Doctor glanced down at her and nodded, so Rose continued. “How is this thing able to target people with a bond and use it against them?”

The Doctor pressed his lips into a thin line and took a deep breath before answering. Feeling the intrusive presence of the disruptor’s signal in his head had been bad enough, but hearing his own voice speak to Rose so callously had honestly felt like a violation. Their bond had been twisted into something used to hurt her, when it was supposed to be a constant reminder of his love.

Rose squeezed his hand and stroked his arm soothingly with her free hand. He nodded once; she didn’t hold the words he’d spoken under the influence of the disruptor against him any more than he held hers against her.

“Telepathic bonding changes the brain chemistry,” he explained. “Connecting your mind to another triggers the release of a whole cocktail of neurotransmitters—oxytocin and vasopressin, just like in human pair-bonding, but also a few that are unique to a telepathic bond. The disruptor must be able to target that somehow.”

“And how can a machine send a telepathic signal?”

“Well, brain waves are really electrical impulses,” he answered. “If you could create a machine that would send electricity in a way that could be received and translated by the unconscious mind, you’d be able to interfere with a person’s telepathy.” He hesitated, then added, “That’s how the Master’s telepathic dampener worked, actually—it blocked you from those electrical signals.”

She stiffened, and he brushed his thumb over hers until she sighed and relaxed again. “I never really thought about how he made that happen.” She was quiet for a moment, then she said, “That’s how Archangel worked too, isn’t it? Sending an electrical signal that the brain would translate as a telepathic message.”

“Yep.” The Doctor squeezed her hand as they turned a corner. “Let’s find the person behind this.”

The sonic beeped rapidly as they reached a store front. The Doctor and Rose looked at each other and tightened their grip on each other’s hands before the Doctor pushed the door open.

“Be careful,” he said in a low voice. “We have no idea who’s behind this or how dangerous they are, but purposely interfering with the marriage bonds of an entire society is not the action of a mentally stable person.”

Rose bit her lip and as her eyes adjusted to the dimly lit interior, she scoured the contents of the room, ready to shout out a warning if she saw anyone.

_I don’t see a machine anywhere,_ she said.

The Doctor held up the sonic, then inclined his head towards the door at the back of the room. They went through the door into a narrow hallway, where Rose could finally hear a faint electronic hum.

_We’re getting close, aren’t we?_

In answer, the Doctor led her down the hallway to a door that stood ajar. Garish yellow light peeked through it, and Rose shielded her eyes when they pushed open the door and entered the room.

“Oh,” the Doctor breathed when they caught their first sight of the machine that dominated the room. “Oh, that is beautiful.” He let go of Rose’s hand, and they circled the machine from opposite directions.

Rose was eyeing the levers and dials that seemed to control the device when the Doctor called out to her. “Look, Rose.”

She moved to stand next to him, and he pointed at the monitor built into the machine. “Here’s the computer running the code that’s directing the new frequency.” They watched for a moment, and then he tapped the monitor. “Oh! And I was right! That’s the line of code that tells the disruptor to look for the neurotransmitters.”

Rose took his elbow and tugged him over to the dials she’d found. “All right, so shut it off,” she told him.

The Doctor grinned at her, then worked quickly to turn the dials. “This should shut off the part of the signal that’s sending negativity,” he said. But as soon as he removed his hands from those dials to move to another set, the controls reset themselves. “What? Why… That shouldn’t be happening.”

Rose watched his frustration build as he tried three more times to change to frequency, only for it to reset itself every time. “Why can’t we just unplug the machine and let it go like that?” she suggested.

He raked his hands through his hair. “Because these people have gotten used to the extra telepathic presence in their brains,” he explained, his voice strained. “I was going to write a command that would turn it down gradually, but it won’t let me.”

“Isomorphic controls,” said an amused voice from the door.

The Doctor and Rose froze for a moment, then they both moved quickly in an attempt to shield the other as footsteps moved across the room. When they realised what they were doing, they shared a rueful smile, then simply took each other’s hands.

A moment later, a woman came in sight. Rose drew a breath of relief when she saw the newcomer was unarmed.

“Why’ve you done this?” she demanded. “Don’t you know how much those people are hurting?”

The woman’s mouth thinned. “No, I don’t,” she spat out. “I will never understand anything about telepathy, and no one on this useless planet understands how isolating that is.”

Rose sensed a sudden wave of understanding from the Doctor, and she glanced up at him. “What?”

“When I told you that the Koroligans are telepathic, that was only mostly accurate. There’s a small percentage of the population who are born without any telepathic ability at all—telepathic Squibs, if you will. And in a society where bonds and relationships are built entirely on telepathy, the psy-nulls are a marginalised population.”

“Five percent,” the woman said, her voice stony. “Five percent of the population is psy-null. And we’re expected to live alone, on the fringes of society, never able to share the kinds of bonds everyone else on the planet enjoys.”

Rose’s heart twisted. She remembered what it had felt like after she’d left Jimmy—that everyone else had someone, and she never would. But there’d been a part of her, some small, rational part, that had known she was being dramatic and that someday, she’d probably meet someone. It just hadn’t _felt_ like it at the time.

How would it feel to be a complete outcast, utterly cut off from any chance of love and happiness?

“What’s your name?” Rose asked.

“Floria.”

“I’m Rose, and this is the Doctor. Nice to meet you.” Rose held out her hand, but the native woman just crossed her arms and arched an eyebrow. “I know you’re hurting, Floria, and I’m sorry.” Thoughts of all the confused telepaths at the festival grounds galvanised Rose, despite her sympathy for the woman. “That doesn’t mean you have a right to put everyone else through the same hurt. If you’re lonely, imagine how it would feel to be linked to someone properly, have them in your mind, and then lose that.”

Floria rolled her eyes and pushed her long, dark hair back over her shoulder. “Imagine what it would be like to never have anyone in your head, the way everyone says is the ultimate in intimate relationships,” she countered. “When I was a child, I dreamed of the kind of love my parents shared, of possibly having children of my own. Then they told me that I would never be able to have a lanima.” She snarled and gestured at the machine. “I have been alone my entire life. Let the rest of the planet see what it feels like.”

Rose shook her head. “Look, you have to see that what you’re doing isn’t right. All those people are hurting, because you’ve interfered with the bond they’re supposed to have with their lanimas.”

_Rose. My strong, beautiful Rose._

Memories surfaced, but for the first time since the _Valiant,_ they were just that—memories. Not flashbacks, making them relive the pain of their separation as if it were happening all over again.

Still, her voice was slightly raspy with suppressed emotion when she spoke again. “You have no idea what that’s like. To be connected with this other person so deeply that they are a part of who you are, and then to lose them. That feeling that part of your soul is missing, and you don’t know how to get it back. That’s what your machine has done to everyone at the festival. Is that really what you wanted?”

Floria blinked and rocked back on her heels. “He is your lanima.”

Rose looked up at the Doctor, returning his proud smile with a tender one of her own. “Yes, he is.”

“And your connection is still keeping you close, even though my telepathic disruptor is projecting discord.”

A shudder went down Rose’s back when she remembered the brief moment they’d lowered their telepathic barriers. “Our bond is different from what your people experience,” she explained. “And our barriers are strong enough to keep your disruptor out.”

“I didn’t know that was even possible.”

Rose couldn’t tell if Floria was put out by the revelation, or confused. She took a step towards her, and Floria didn’t back away. “Then did you know that interfering with a bond the way you’ve done causes physical pain? That it leaves you with a migraine as your mind constantly reaches out for someone who isn’t there anymore?”

Most of Floria’s anger had vanished, and her shoulders slumped without the stronger emotion holding her upright. Rose could see the loneliness in her grey eyes, and the sadness in the tight lines around her mouth.

“I really do understand your resentment. It isn’t right that there’s not something for those of you who can’t share this kind of bond. But you’re punishing the entire planet, putting them through a kind of physical and mental torment that you can’t begin to comprehend. Is that really what you wanted?”

“I… no. I just wanted them to understand what it’s like to live without that bond.”

Rose cocked her head. Five percent of the population… “If you’re so lonely, why don’t you don’t you get to know the other psy-nulls?”

“I know several of them. We often live together, so we can live without being constantly reminded that we are… broken.”

“I mean, why don’t you… date? See if there’s one who you could love.”

“I think what Rose is trying to say,” the Doctor interjected, “is that a telepathic bond is not the only way to find a life partner.”

Floria stiffened and lifted her chin. “Oh, our problems are so easily discounted by those who don’t understand what it’s like.”

Rose crossed her arms over her chest. Her patience with Floria was just about spent. “I know plenty,” she snapped. “People on my planet, they aren’t telepathic. And yet they find love just fine without some soulmate magic telling them they’ve met the right person.”

She gestured at the machine. “Look, you’re obviously a genius. Wouldn’t it be better if you worked to help the other psy-nulls, rather than hurting the telepathic majority?”

Floria held her gaze for a long moment, then walked around the machine and typed a command code into the terminal. “As you said, Doctor,” she said as she hit enter. “A line of code that will turn the machine off gradually, so as not to shock the delicate systems of the telepaths.”

The Doctor sighed and his shoulders relaxed. “Thank you,” he told her. “I really do sympathise with your frustration, but Rose is right. This wasn’t the way to bring attention to the plight of the psy-nulls.”

Defiance glinted in the woman’s eyes, and the Doctor raised an eyebrow. Rose had gotten through to her on one level, but clearly, her resentment and anger were still there, just under the surface.

_We need to take her to the authorities,_ he told Rose. _If we just leave, it’ll only be a matter of time before something happens and she decides to turn the machine on again—or worse._

_I know._

The Doctor met Floria’s glare head-on. “I’m afraid we’ll need to take you to the magistrate before we leave the planet. I’d like to trust you not to do something like this again, but frankly… I don’t.”

Floria spun on her heel and stalked out of the room, leaving the Doctor and Rose to follow behind her.

Explaining the whole story to the magistrate took over an hour—not because they couldn’t understand the concept of a telepathic disruptor, but because they couldn’t see why anyone would be upset with the telepathic majority. By the time they were done, the Doctor understood Floria’s frustration even more.

Finally, the magistrate straightened her ceremonial robes and focused on Floria. “There is no excuse for the damage you caused today. I hereby sentence you to ten years in prison.”

_Doctor, they’re gonna just lock her up without even listening to why she was so upset!_

The Doctor put his hand on Rose’s shoulder, then stepped forward. “If I may, Your Honour,” he said. “There might be a better way to rehabilitate Floria.”

“Go ahead.”

“While her actions were certainly deplorable, they were done out of a sad, lonely heart.” He pointed to the two matching rings the woman wore on her index finger. “You have your two lanimas, so you can’t really grasp what it’s like to be cut off from relationships. She is nearing middle-age for your people, and she’s still alone. Without telepathy, she has no way of forming any kind of bond.”

The magistrate tilted her head. “Go ahead. I think I know where you’re going with this.”

The Doctor grinned. “Well, Floria is far from being the only psy-null person on your planet. Five percent of the population is born without any telepathic centres at all. And while Floria has no excuse for the pain she inflicted upon the the festival goers, it can be understood.”

“So perhaps the best punishment would be to force her to think of a method for the psy-null population to find their partners?” the magistrate finished.

“Exactly. Some kind of… database, maybe, where they could post about what they like and don’t like, and meet other likeminded people.”

The judge nodded slowly. “I like this. We will be imprisoning Floria, but there’s no reason she can’t have a project to work on during her time in prison.”

The Doctor cast a sidelong glance at Rose, whose lips were pressed in a thin line as she tried to contain her laughter. Then he looked back at the judge and nodded respectfully. “I think that is an excellent plan,” he agreed. “And now, unless you have other questions for us, I believe Rose and I would like to go home.”

She nodded. “Thank you both, Doctor and Rose Tyler. We appreciate your help in unravelling this difficult situation for us.”

The Doctor took Rose’s hand and pulled her out of the courtroom. They were almost outside when Rose started laughing.

“Did you just suggest that Floria starts a dating website?”

“Maybe,” the Doctor said, grinning down at her. “And it’s possible that the first person to start a dating website on Earth was a human who’d met Koroligans who made an emergency landing near her home. She offered them hospitality while they repaired their ship, and eventually, somehow, the topic of the psy-null database came up. It seemed like an excellent way to meet strangers, all in the safety of your own home.”

Rose shook her head. “We just started the internet dating trend. On an alien planet. And then that’ll start it back at home.” She let go of his hand and hugged his arm instead. “I’ve missed this crazy life, Doctor.”

They were almost to the TARDIS, but the Doctor stopped and picked Rose up, spinning her around. Today had been tame, as far as their adventures went, but it had been the perfect way to dip their toes back into their old life.

Rose threw her head back and laughed as he spun them in circles. After a few twirls, he set her down and grabbed her hand. Her eyes sparkled up at him, and they said one word, in unison.

“Run!”

Several times since Ekbrilon, the Doctor had sat in the study and looked at the picture Rose had painted on the beach, wondering if they ever would reach the light they were walking towards. After Pluvon especially it had seemed almost impossible. They were too damaged, despite what he’d told Rose about being bent, not broken.

So running towards the TARDIS hand-in-hand today after a successful adventure, it felt like they had accomplished something far more significant than stopping one lonely woman from ruining a hugely important cultural practice. Euphoria coursed through them both, sweeping them up into helpless laughter as they burst into the console room.

“Not exactly universe-saving,” the Doctor acknowledged as he spun around the console and sent them back into the Vortex. “But important nonetheless.”

Rose leaned against the railing nearest the corridor that led to their room. “Absolutely. All the desire for love being changed into anger and bitterness… I’m glad we could help. And hopefully the database Floria creates will help the psy-null people find their own kind of happiness, even if they can’t share telepathic bonds.”

She glanced over her shoulder, then smiled at him. “Come on. There’s something I want to show you.”

The Doctor raised his eyebrows, but followed her willingly. “Do I finally get to see what you’ve been working on for the last few weeks?” he asked.

Rose pushed open the door to her studio, and warm, natural light flooded the corridor. “Yep!”

The Doctor tried to peer into the room over her shoulder, but the canvas sitting on the easel was shrouded by a cloth. Rose shook her head at him and motioned for him to turn around. “Not yet. I’m going to hang it, and then you can see.”

He rolled his eyes, making sure she knew he was teasing, and turned around dutifully. Behind him, he heard the rustling of the cloth as she removed it, then the scraping sound of her pulling the canvas off the easel.

“All right,” she said a moment later. “Let’s go to the study, and if you’d open the door for me when we get there and then wait outside until I come get you.”

The Doctor did as he was directed, though each one of Rose’s instructions made his curiosity harder to suppress. But it only took her a few minutes to arrange things to her liking, and then she let him into the room.

His eyes were automatically drawn to the opposite wall, where her earlier painting had previously been centred. It was offset now, and the new piece hung to the right and slightly below it.

The Doctor didn’t realise he’d moved until he felt the texture of the brush strokes underneath his fingers. He pulled back then, not wanting to damage the painting in any way. Reaching for Rose, he twined their hands together.

“I call it ‘Where our Hearts Are,’” Rose said.

In the painting, he and Rose were stretched out on his coat, looking up at the stars. His arm was raised, pointing at a distant star. She’d clearly captured him in mid-ramble, telling her all about the system he was pointing at. The expression on her own face was half loving indulgence as she enjoyed watching him in his element, and half growing excitement as he laid out what was presumably their next destination.

To complete the picture, the TARDIS was parked on the hill above them. One of her doors was propped open, letting the bluish green light of the time rotor spill out into the night. The ship was clearly ready to go, as were the Doctor and Rose.

They’d found their way home, back to the place where travelling and exploring the universe together was what made them feel most like themselves. That was, as Rose had poetically put it, where their hearts were. And they were finally ready to tackle that life again.

The Doctor felt Rose’s hand on his shoulder, and when he looked over at her, she had her lower lip caught between her teeth. “Do you like it?”

She was asking two questions in those four words. _Do you like the painting? Are we ready?_

He kissed her temple. “Yeah, I like it.”

Rose smiled, but her eyes still sought his, the second question needing a more explicit answer.

He leaned down and rested his forehead against hers. “And do you know what else, Rose? Travelling with you—I love it.”

“Yeah?” she breathed as a smile stretched across her face.

“Oh yes,” he promised.

Her eyes lit up and she pushed herself up on her toes to press her lips to his. The Doctor wrapped an arm around her waist and turned to face her so he could deepen the kiss. Excitement thrummed in his veins as their future sparked around them, their twined timelines shimmering as they danced across the stars.

The Doctor and Rose in the TARDIS—next stop, everywhere.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that brings them full circle. A year of healing to match the year of trauma, and they're finally ready to get back to their old life. 
> 
> The series four story is taking me longer to write than I anticipated, thanks to some major life upheaval in the last three months. (I pretty much haven't worked on it since Thanksgiving.) My target date now is early May. Make sure you subscribe to me or the series if you want a notification when Forever and Never Apart begins.


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